Sometimes heart works like current flow. It will find the easiest way, less resistance way to reach ground. Guess my heart finding way to reach ground. I rather die than thinking about those things. How I am gonna carry all those things all the way in my life?? I cant accept it anymore. What you are doing now really hurts me a lot. I know you dont care. Last time I used to pray that I wanna die, God please kill me. But now, why not I do that?? Why not I be God for a moment?? Know what, when I think about her, I am smiling. Why is that so?? Why?? Even the God cant give the answer.
I really wanna ask something to the God. Dont you feel guilty to ruined my life?? You bring her into my life. Then I was very thankful for that. You know I was. Every time I prayed, did I asked money?? Did I ask more?? I asked to keep her with me. That was all I asked. I told you she was enough for me, I cant ask more right?? Then why do you doing this to me?? What you want me to do?? Is that a mistake?? I am losing everything on you. I am sorry. Its not coz of you make me sad. Its coz there were many things in my life you can take. But, why her?? Why?? You know how much she meant to me. I thought you more, but now, I am sorry, I am losing everything. You give a life, its perfect. I have perfect body with 2 hands and 2 legs, parents, friends, and some strangers which help me sometimes. But, you gave me a heart which cant heal. Why is that so?? How I am gonna live if the wounds not gonna heal?? Its bleeding. Cant you see?? Huh?? People say you know everything. Now I am wondering, do you know everything?? How I am gonna pray after this?? I cant take the betrayal. I am sorry. I wanna put an end for this.
I really wanna ask something to the God. Dont you feel guilty to ruined my life?? You bring her into my life. Then I was very thankful for that. You know I was. Every time I prayed, did I asked money?? Did I ask more?? I asked to keep her with me. That was all I asked. I told you she was enough for me, I cant ask more right?? Then why do you doing this to me?? What you want me to do?? Is that a mistake?? I am losing everything on you. I am sorry. Its not coz of you make me sad. Its coz there were many things in my life you can take. But, why her?? Why?? You know how much she meant to me. I thought you more, but now, I am sorry, I am losing everything. You give a life, its perfect. I have perfect body with 2 hands and 2 legs, parents, friends, and some strangers which help me sometimes. But, you gave me a heart which cant heal. Why is that so?? How I am gonna live if the wounds not gonna heal?? Its bleeding. Cant you see?? Huh?? People say you know everything. Now I am wondering, do you know everything?? How I am gonna pray after this?? I cant take the betrayal. I am sorry. I wanna put an end for this.
p.s.: I am preparing suicidal note.
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