1st June.
A whole complete year I meet you. Still remember, honey?? Do you still remember?? The day where I decided your are my everything. The day I wanted to make you happy no matter what. The day I kissed you. It's even the first day I see your face after so long both of us in relationship.
I admit I hurt you a lot. But, honey, I love you a lot at the same time. After so much thing you did, I still love you. Why is that so?? Why you think about the hurt that I made, but ignore the love towards you?? I will do whatever you want me to do, please come back.
You even know I love you a lot. How can you do this to me?? I promise I will never make it happen again. Please gimme a chance. I know you gave me a lot. And every time I tried. And I failed. Don't let me like this, please. I wanna go the place we went together. To feel the love.
p.s.: You know how weak I am now.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
RIP
Everybody have their past. Experience change all in your life. It change the way you think, your point of view. It change the way you talk, react to something, even your every inch of anything change. My past was something I called nothing. My parents been too protective and blocked all my childhood moments that I suppose to have like other normal children. All I did was watching all my schoolmates playing while I hold the gate and cried inside. I grew in a situation where people change their words so fast and they don’t care about the wound inside. Every day, I wanted go outside and play with my friends, I wanted spend time with them. But, the love, over-protective, made me seat inside four walls alone. I wish things will change, they will gimme freedom and I can live like other normal child. I always wanted to play football like my friend. Join them. But then, my parents took it away, just coz they knew a guy which his life spoiled coz of playing football. Why I can’t be a lil bit different from him?? Why?? They always say when I became a lil bigger, particular age, I will let you do this, I will buy you this. But nothing happens. LIED. My live always been in disappointment. I always waited for my dad to buy something I like. Something I want. But, even to buy a shirt, I have to follow their taste. Although they knew that I don’t like it, I have to wear it. FORCED. There were days I saw my dad drunk and disappeared the whole night. There were days my mom curse my dad. There were days I listen all the gossips between my sisters and my mom. There were days I saw my dad fight with a stranger and broke his nose. There were days I tried to break my fingers. There were days I heard my dad kissed someone through phone. You don’t know how it feels when your own mom curse and disrespect your own dad. You don’t know how it feels when your dad went out at night before you sleep and when you wake up and try find your dad, you asked your mom, she said I dunno where is your dad. You all just dunno. Even when I was in primary school, I wanted to kill myself. I find my live is nothing. I even tell something in my heart every time I saw my parents, why don’t you all keep a dog and spend money for it, if you want to control me?? I am not worth it as a son. I realized there is someone inside me started to grow. I always make people laugh and there where I learned to laugh. But, since long ago, I learned to fake my feelings, to show my parents that everything is fine. Got once, when my family came for my medical check-up, in front of my dad, my sister asked me do you know why dad brought you to this expensive hospital and trying to cure you?? I said I dunno. She said later after they become old, you should look after of them. So, they doing this not coz they love me, they just wanna make sure I will take care of them. I felt like shit, hurt, pain. I was wondering, am I their biological son?? I was left in darkness wondering is there love?? Pure love?? Even my dad said that my cousin will take care of him when he becomes old. Then me?? What happen to me?? Died?? It hurts me so much and you dad, I always tried to forget and forgive you. I am sorry. I can’t. I tried.
There is something every guy will go through. At one point of your life, you will try to be like your dad. And I went through it. I started to learn how to sign like my dad. I started to comb my hair like him. I started to walk like him. But after around 2 years, I realized it just every guy will go through, so it’s normal. But before I realized, I was scared that I will be like him, I will be what I don’t want to be. There was where I started to hate him. Coz I don’t want to be him. When I entered secondary school, things got worse, I started to realize they draw a circle around me. Of course I been outside the circle, but every time I tried to come back to the circle, they will caught me. They always say my eyes will show my honesty. And every time they caught me, the circle will shrink. There was where I started to find love outside my home, girlfriend. Till now I dunno what is love. I have been with a girl for one year without touching her. I have been with a girl for one year, I gave her everything, touch, care, loyalty. I dunno what I missed. Evert time they dump me, a huge part of me die, a huge part of my dream fade, my vision of future brake into pieces. I always adapt a lot from my girlfriend. Coz I dunno my own identity. May be I don’t have one. I adapt their hobbies, the way they talk, their favorites, etc. And every time they go away, I was nothing but just a piece of crap with an empty inside. They leave a hole behind. It bleeds. Sometimes my heart shouts, but I stand there helpless looking it bleeding, suffering. I had many conflicts within myself since I was small. My high school’s friends always say I am rude, stubborn, arrogant, etc. I hide my wounds, try to stop it bleeding, so I showed anger to overcome my pain. I learn something from every girl I loved. I learnt to give space, freedom, loyalty, love, and everything whatever you can for someone you love. The recent girl I broke up, I gave everything. She lifted me up, erase my past, gimme a reason to live. But then it repeated again. Why everything meant to broken?? When I was in secondary school, a new me was born inside me. I started to hate. Lil by lil. My friends always ask me to go out and play football. And every time I answered I see first. But then, I knew the answer, I can’t come. Just to cover. Out of 365 days, I can tell I will go out with my friends about 10 days. That’s all. Other days, spent inside the four walls. They will check my beg, even when I was in high school. There was always no trust. As time pass by, I lost mine too. They smell my school shirt to check I am smoking or not. I felt like someone takes a needle and poke my heart many times. My parents always wanna be proud of me, but then they forget that life is not about proud, it’s about teaching me how to live my life. They should teach me how to overcome pain, but indeed they added my pain. I gave up on my life, I did all my dad wanted. I started to study what he wanted. For them studying overseas is a huge thing. So that, all the people will talk that my dad manage to send his son to overseas. They need something so that people will talk proud of them. Do you ever think, how much of time and everything I will miss if I go away?? I just wanna spend time with you all. But then I gave up, tired of searching love within my parents, so I went away. Collage life. I started to smoke. I did all the things they forbid me to do. The girl that I loved when I was in collage taught me that life isn’t just doing whatever comes. Although it was just a lil while, she didn’t hurt me at all. Even now, she talks to me like we used to. But then, my parents forced me, they pushed me. I get fed up and planned to go far away. I can even do the bloody course at Penang too. Before I go, I met this girl. Both of us get to know online-ly, and then I get to know that she going through the same thing like me. So, I intend to make her feel better. I settled her problem. Indeed, she was the first girl that I chatted in MSN. Even that was the time, I started to use Internet in my whole life, after my collage life. I started to love her attitude, the way she is, her perfections, her imperfections, everything. I loved her even though I dunno how she looks like. So, like I always do, I build a dream, a future. She brings out the better me out from me. She showed me the way to live. She taught me a lot. Coz of her I went through a lil moment of teenager. When I entered university, I realized that all my teen life is nothing. When I saw a 15 year old girl having msn, mobile phone, etc, I am jealous. I want that life. Why my parents don’t understand?? I spent my teen life in the four walls. My life always has been these four walls. You create a world like this to me, dad. I hate when you treat my friend as a teenager and you ignore me, can’t you see I am there. I hate when you compare me with everybody. Owh dad, you just don’t understand. You put me through this pain and you asking me “how are you??’. How can you expect me to smile when the pain inside is tearing me apart?? How you can ask me how is your studies, when you know it was your choice?? How dad, how??
When I look back my life now, I saw me crying alone in darkness. When I think about my friends, I can see the betrayal my friend put me through. When I think about girlfriend, I see only a face and her smile. Everything changed me into something I don’t know, I am cutting myself now. To know that the pain inside is more than or less than the pain on my skin. Now I have really true, nice friendship, the whole bunch of friends in my university. You all know who you are. Thank you for all you all did. From you all I realized what friendship is. You all can reduce my pain, but no one can erase it. The pain amplify when the night comes, the tears pour and I am lost in the darkness.
I was always trusted you God. But then after I tried so much, I believed so much, after I asked only one thing in this whole world, you took all away. Now, there is no more trust. You are just an imaginary. Everybody blame you for what they been through and thanked for what they have. But, things always change. And the changes were not coz of you, huh?? So, why I should trust there is God?? If there is God, if he loved me, cared about me, heard my apologies, why I am in so much of pain now?? Why I am always in pain??
Guess this is it. Dead end. For everybody, thank you so much and I am sorry. Forgive me for the mistake I done, the words that hurts you all. When you read this, please realize that there was worst life out there. And you are stronger than me to stand and fight back. Don’t let the worst of you to rule, coz you never know how it feels. If death can be bought from Satan (or whatever it is), I bought it long ago. Now I am creating my own.
p.s.: Don't regret for what you did, coz it's too late. -RIP-
There is something every guy will go through. At one point of your life, you will try to be like your dad. And I went through it. I started to learn how to sign like my dad. I started to comb my hair like him. I started to walk like him. But after around 2 years, I realized it just every guy will go through, so it’s normal. But before I realized, I was scared that I will be like him, I will be what I don’t want to be. There was where I started to hate him. Coz I don’t want to be him. When I entered secondary school, things got worse, I started to realize they draw a circle around me. Of course I been outside the circle, but every time I tried to come back to the circle, they will caught me. They always say my eyes will show my honesty. And every time they caught me, the circle will shrink. There was where I started to find love outside my home, girlfriend. Till now I dunno what is love. I have been with a girl for one year without touching her. I have been with a girl for one year, I gave her everything, touch, care, loyalty. I dunno what I missed. Evert time they dump me, a huge part of me die, a huge part of my dream fade, my vision of future brake into pieces. I always adapt a lot from my girlfriend. Coz I dunno my own identity. May be I don’t have one. I adapt their hobbies, the way they talk, their favorites, etc. And every time they go away, I was nothing but just a piece of crap with an empty inside. They leave a hole behind. It bleeds. Sometimes my heart shouts, but I stand there helpless looking it bleeding, suffering. I had many conflicts within myself since I was small. My high school’s friends always say I am rude, stubborn, arrogant, etc. I hide my wounds, try to stop it bleeding, so I showed anger to overcome my pain. I learn something from every girl I loved. I learnt to give space, freedom, loyalty, love, and everything whatever you can for someone you love. The recent girl I broke up, I gave everything. She lifted me up, erase my past, gimme a reason to live. But then it repeated again. Why everything meant to broken?? When I was in secondary school, a new me was born inside me. I started to hate. Lil by lil. My friends always ask me to go out and play football. And every time I answered I see first. But then, I knew the answer, I can’t come. Just to cover. Out of 365 days, I can tell I will go out with my friends about 10 days. That’s all. Other days, spent inside the four walls. They will check my beg, even when I was in high school. There was always no trust. As time pass by, I lost mine too. They smell my school shirt to check I am smoking or not. I felt like someone takes a needle and poke my heart many times. My parents always wanna be proud of me, but then they forget that life is not about proud, it’s about teaching me how to live my life. They should teach me how to overcome pain, but indeed they added my pain. I gave up on my life, I did all my dad wanted. I started to study what he wanted. For them studying overseas is a huge thing. So that, all the people will talk that my dad manage to send his son to overseas. They need something so that people will talk proud of them. Do you ever think, how much of time and everything I will miss if I go away?? I just wanna spend time with you all. But then I gave up, tired of searching love within my parents, so I went away. Collage life. I started to smoke. I did all the things they forbid me to do. The girl that I loved when I was in collage taught me that life isn’t just doing whatever comes. Although it was just a lil while, she didn’t hurt me at all. Even now, she talks to me like we used to. But then, my parents forced me, they pushed me. I get fed up and planned to go far away. I can even do the bloody course at Penang too. Before I go, I met this girl. Both of us get to know online-ly, and then I get to know that she going through the same thing like me. So, I intend to make her feel better. I settled her problem. Indeed, she was the first girl that I chatted in MSN. Even that was the time, I started to use Internet in my whole life, after my collage life. I started to love her attitude, the way she is, her perfections, her imperfections, everything. I loved her even though I dunno how she looks like. So, like I always do, I build a dream, a future. She brings out the better me out from me. She showed me the way to live. She taught me a lot. Coz of her I went through a lil moment of teenager. When I entered university, I realized that all my teen life is nothing. When I saw a 15 year old girl having msn, mobile phone, etc, I am jealous. I want that life. Why my parents don’t understand?? I spent my teen life in the four walls. My life always has been these four walls. You create a world like this to me, dad. I hate when you treat my friend as a teenager and you ignore me, can’t you see I am there. I hate when you compare me with everybody. Owh dad, you just don’t understand. You put me through this pain and you asking me “how are you??’. How can you expect me to smile when the pain inside is tearing me apart?? How you can ask me how is your studies, when you know it was your choice?? How dad, how??
When I look back my life now, I saw me crying alone in darkness. When I think about my friends, I can see the betrayal my friend put me through. When I think about girlfriend, I see only a face and her smile. Everything changed me into something I don’t know, I am cutting myself now. To know that the pain inside is more than or less than the pain on my skin. Now I have really true, nice friendship, the whole bunch of friends in my university. You all know who you are. Thank you for all you all did. From you all I realized what friendship is. You all can reduce my pain, but no one can erase it. The pain amplify when the night comes, the tears pour and I am lost in the darkness.
I was always trusted you God. But then after I tried so much, I believed so much, after I asked only one thing in this whole world, you took all away. Now, there is no more trust. You are just an imaginary. Everybody blame you for what they been through and thanked for what they have. But, things always change. And the changes were not coz of you, huh?? So, why I should trust there is God?? If there is God, if he loved me, cared about me, heard my apologies, why I am in so much of pain now?? Why I am always in pain??
Guess this is it. Dead end. For everybody, thank you so much and I am sorry. Forgive me for the mistake I done, the words that hurts you all. When you read this, please realize that there was worst life out there. And you are stronger than me to stand and fight back. Don’t let the worst of you to rule, coz you never know how it feels. If death can be bought from Satan (or whatever it is), I bought it long ago. Now I am creating my own.
p.s.: Don't regret for what you did, coz it's too late. -RIP-
Thanks...
Although you didn't come direct, I saw you in the car. I saw your face. I still remember the moment. I saw what I want. I dunno how I can say this. You still look cute like last time. Even you make my heart bleed, you thrust deep inside my heart, I still care about you. My heart is full of love. Good bye.
p.s.: Thanks a lot.
p.s.: Thanks a lot.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Hunger of love...
I realized something today. Lemme tell the whole story. Today was something new for me. When to Farouq place around 1.30 a.m. Then, as planned long ago me and my friend to go Penang at 3.30~4.00 a.m. Planned to sleep, but then the darkness did it usual stuff. I realized how much deep I love her. Sitting at the balcony alone in darkness with a nice windy air, I realized that live not gonna be as beautiful as those days anymore. Then, we leaved at 5.00 a.m. Actually we dont really know the way. Andrew the bastard, keep on asking me as though I am from KL. Then, somehow we found it and reached Penang around 10.30 a.m. Then go to the motel and check-in. All of sudden, they all wanna sleep. I was like you all come all the way to Penang to sleep. I am so touched. Then, somehow, they all bath and wanna go eat. Then go eat at Penang Road. Then, somehow, I give direction to a place that I never been and we reached. Phew!!! After that, Andrew fetch me to jetty. Take ferry and then bus, reached home.
I realized that I should never ever be happy. Coz I nearly cried at ferry. When the wind blows, it brings back the memories. Tomorrow I wanna meet her. All the tiny tiny hopes few months ago, now amplified and I know nothing else gonna happen, but I will control my heart if I can do that. Hunger of her love. My heart is starving. Now it's getting worst and worst. Those memories, those calls I made in my room, those conversion on the bed, now seems like really close to me. I miss those moment.
I dunno why nowadays got many girls trying to be my friend. Before I blog, someone miss called me. Then I sms and ask who is this. Then they started to talk like I care who is that. Cant you all see?? I am nothing else, just a rubbish in this world. I am damaged. Why you all wanna have a friend like me?? Leave me alone. I love the pain more than anyone. Let the pain cuddle me, pamper me.
p.s.: I wish I can make it. I wish I can meet you. I will let you know.
I realized that I should never ever be happy. Coz I nearly cried at ferry. When the wind blows, it brings back the memories. Tomorrow I wanna meet her. All the tiny tiny hopes few months ago, now amplified and I know nothing else gonna happen, but I will control my heart if I can do that. Hunger of her love. My heart is starving. Now it's getting worst and worst. Those memories, those calls I made in my room, those conversion on the bed, now seems like really close to me. I miss those moment.
I dunno why nowadays got many girls trying to be my friend. Before I blog, someone miss called me. Then I sms and ask who is this. Then they started to talk like I care who is that. Cant you all see?? I am nothing else, just a rubbish in this world. I am damaged. Why you all wanna have a friend like me?? Leave me alone. I love the pain more than anyone. Let the pain cuddle me, pamper me.
p.s.: I wish I can make it. I wish I can meet you. I will let you know.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Is there any??
I still miss you. You still here. Messing with my stuffs, throwing away my pillow, disturbing my sleep in middle of night. When I sleep, you are there. When I close my eyes for peace, you are there. When I wanna give up, you are there. When I need you, your words are there. When I need your kiss, the kisses seems to be alive back. When I need your hug, your arms seems to be around me. When I am worried, your fingers seems touching my hair. But then, is there love?? I mean not my stupid imagination, is there any small piece??
The day is coming, I am happy yet there are massive pain inside is killing me. You gonna disappear from my life. I dunno whether it's forever or just temporary. And the worst painful part is I cant do anything to avoid it. Is there any way?? Is there any hope?? Will you hug me when I come and meet you?? Will you shout at me and insult me in front everybody?? Why I intend to live in fake world which I create for nothing?? Do you still care about me??
p.s.: a step I put towards the white light.
The day is coming, I am happy yet there are massive pain inside is killing me. You gonna disappear from my life. I dunno whether it's forever or just temporary. And the worst painful part is I cant do anything to avoid it. Is there any way?? Is there any hope?? Will you hug me when I come and meet you?? Will you shout at me and insult me in front everybody?? Why I intend to live in fake world which I create for nothing?? Do you still care about me??
p.s.: a step I put towards the white light.
Please click on it...
To anyone who have DBH account, please click and vote. Thank you.
http://www.designbyhumans.com/vote/detail/54566
http://www.designbyhumans.com/vote/detail/54566
Monday, May 25, 2009
It repeat again..
Is this why you invite me?? To talk like that?? I thought you knew about me. Well, you even said you read my horoscope and said I cant forget what people said to me. I hate people with their friends seat together talk about what I did. If it was stupid, let it be. I mention it clearly, it's not about her attention. At least I tried to kill my pain, even though I did stupid stuff. Look at yourself. You are just hiding it, by saying you killed the monster and blah blah blah. Continue your bullshit. Can't you see?? You are still in the hole.
p.s.: Why the fuck it happens to be you to said that??
p.s.: Why the fuck it happens to be you to said that??
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Starting..
I dunno why I did this. I was smoking, then I came back to my room and start cutting myself. Pain everywhere. I am not trying to get her attention. It just I wanna kill the pain. I have exam tomorrow morning. I am not prepared at all. I fed up with my life. I did it last week, now I am doing it again, guess I am addicted.
p.s.: This is just the starting, dont ask me the ending. I need a new penknife.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
Memories!!!
I lost the thing that I love to do. Sleep. Destroyed. I lost the thing I love most. You. We usually call around this time. I still remember you said "I wanna hear your sleepy voice, cute ler". I even got shout once "I wanna sleep". Got once, we had misunderstanding and you called me when I was sleeping. I didn't realize it. And you keep on calling till I woke up and answer your call. After that I saw got 30+ missed calls. Got once when you was at India, I called early morning, and this time you shout, "I wanna sleep". Although I dont like people yell at me, but that was cute. After that, I called again few days after, you was damn into sleep and you answered me "ehm" for all I said. I said I love you also you "ehm". Swt. I smiled all the way till fall asleep. With that memories, now I will go sleep. Good night. But then, now I feel like wanna call you. I so miss your voice. So long I never heard the word "boo" and I say "honey baby". I just realized. I know you gonna hate me more after you read this. I am sorry.
p.s.: My love still look beautiful even though you throw it away and step on it. I dunno why.
p.s.: My love still look beautiful even though you throw it away and step on it. I dunno why.
Nothing...
I dunno what to say. So fast, I have been replaced?? It's funny how things work huh?? I am not jealous. I would not disturb you or threaten you. Come on, it's your life, you have rights to do anything you want. Who am I?? If this is what you want, what can I do?? Go on.
I have 2 weeks plus. I wanna go everywhere we have been. May be it will make me happy. Thanks to gimme chance to fight back. May be you learn something from that. I thought I made you stronger. But then, you are still the same. Afraid to face the reality. My only request, please dont end up like me.May be now you will reply "no" or "never". Things change as time past by like your love. You seems happy. Why I wanna destroy that?? I wish I can give up on you, move on, but I cant. I just cant. This love is like a leech. It sticks on my heart and sucking my life out. I dunno when it's gonna stop sucking. Guess when there is nothing left. I am sick of this. Figuring out what I should do now. I am lost. Totally lost!!!
I hate when the night falls. When the darkness come and mess my feelings. Go away. I dont want to sleep. I dont want to dream. Go away!!! Please. Although my fear was darkness, I love darkness. Most of time I will in my dark room alone. But now, I am scared of it. Coz last time you was the light in the dark. Look what you did to me?? I am not blaming. Just look. Keep aside your anger, it's not gonna protect you forever. Just look!!!
Now, I dont have the rights to say "I miss you" anymore. Coz I know how a guy feels when his girlfriend's ex disturbing her. Coz he used to do that when she was mine. Now, she knows where to poke to hurt me. Guess I revealed my weakness to her. I want you to know this, I tried as much as I can and nothing changed. I dont want you to say that I did not try hard. I encouraged you to keep in touch with your friends. I used to hack your Friendster profile and comment on your friend's profile. I just wanted you to spend your time with them. I just want you to continue live like how you lived before I was there. I even settled misunderstanding between you and your friend. And look now, all of them againsting me. I dunno why. I just dunno.
p.s.: I know you hate this. But, I dunno why there always no option in my life.
I have 2 weeks plus. I wanna go everywhere we have been. May be it will make me happy. Thanks to gimme chance to fight back. May be you learn something from that. I thought I made you stronger. But then, you are still the same. Afraid to face the reality. My only request, please dont end up like me.May be now you will reply "no" or "never". Things change as time past by like your love. You seems happy. Why I wanna destroy that?? I wish I can give up on you, move on, but I cant. I just cant. This love is like a leech. It sticks on my heart and sucking my life out. I dunno when it's gonna stop sucking. Guess when there is nothing left. I am sick of this. Figuring out what I should do now. I am lost. Totally lost!!!
I hate when the night falls. When the darkness come and mess my feelings. Go away. I dont want to sleep. I dont want to dream. Go away!!! Please. Although my fear was darkness, I love darkness. Most of time I will in my dark room alone. But now, I am scared of it. Coz last time you was the light in the dark. Look what you did to me?? I am not blaming. Just look. Keep aside your anger, it's not gonna protect you forever. Just look!!!
Now, I dont have the rights to say "I miss you" anymore. Coz I know how a guy feels when his girlfriend's ex disturbing her. Coz he used to do that when she was mine. Now, she knows where to poke to hurt me. Guess I revealed my weakness to her. I want you to know this, I tried as much as I can and nothing changed. I dont want you to say that I did not try hard. I encouraged you to keep in touch with your friends. I used to hack your Friendster profile and comment on your friend's profile. I just wanted you to spend your time with them. I just want you to continue live like how you lived before I was there. I even settled misunderstanding between you and your friend. And look now, all of them againsting me. I dunno why. I just dunno.
p.s.: I know you hate this. But, I dunno why there always no option in my life.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Stupid e-mail...
I realized something when I read an e-mail. From the e-mail, the conclusion is when there is peace, there will be faith. When there is faith, there will be love. When there is love, there will be hope.
Look how nicely they linked each other. Where is my peace?? Why you destroy it and tell me it's for both of us goodness?? Actually, it's for you. You are the selfish. You want the best for you. You want more and you asked. Pity, that was all I have. I did all I can. You became greedy and destroy all I had.
p.s.: The word "nicely", reminds me of her. She usually used that. "nicely squeezing", "I wanna whack you nicely". Hahaha.
Look how nicely they linked each other. Where is my peace?? Why you destroy it and tell me it's for both of us goodness?? Actually, it's for you. You are the selfish. You want the best for you. You want more and you asked. Pity, that was all I have. I did all I can. You became greedy and destroy all I had.
p.s.: The word "nicely", reminds me of her. She usually used that. "nicely squeezing", "I wanna whack you nicely". Hahaha.
Tempting!!!
There are not much of photos in this video clip. So, click this url, coz they dont let embedding. Before that, if the video above already weaken your heart, I advise you dont watch this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBmoYHXrgyE&feature=related
p.s.: Imagine the pain is so deep, so you have to inflict pain on yourself to make the pain go away.
Trust me, it is so tempting.
It's a trap!!!
At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged.
You have to tag the person who tagged you.
1. I don't have any goal.
2. Pain better than happiness. No fake hopes.
3. I don't hide anything.I tell whatever it is right in front of your face. That is what loyalty means to me.
4. I don't like people yell at me.
5. I am a massive failure in man-kind.
6. I hate everything in this world. Everything.
7. I make jokes to cover the pain beneath my skin.
8. I am lonely soul. Ignored. Hated. Pushed away. Threw away.
9. I like to draw. I suck in coloring. I prefer black and white. But, doesn't means that I hate colors.
10. Experiences do change how a person think and act.
11. I put a special person on top of everything in my life. It's a special place in my life for you. Only foe you. I put trust, hope, and everything on you.
12. Every worst part of you was me.
13. I hate engineering since I was small. But, you see, now I am doing it, I am studying it and it's my future. I am living in my own hate now.
14. Nothing gonna be okay till our last breath. Life will suck out all the things we have. Till we give up.
15. Life never will be fair at all to anyone.
16. I suck all the time. Everything I touch, everything I think, everything I wish will fall down and break to pieces.
17. I drink, I smoke then I cry.
18. I like talking alone, imagine, make my own world and live in that world.
19. I sleep hugging my wife.
20. I have a senseless brain and stubborn as an idiot immature jerk.
21. I cant think properly.
22. I got double-XL memory, I cant forgive and forget easily. I live in regret.
23. Undone dream - tattoo, graphic designer, tattoo shop, keep wife happy, wake up with her.
24. I gonna die in 1 month+ time.
25. Your turn.
Well, this is basically the same in facebook. I would not tag anyone. Whoever read this or enter my blog, you are tagged!!! Let's see how honest you are. You wanna hide, I dont give a shit about it and dont be my friend anymore. Just FUCK OFF!!!
p.s.: I know who will ignore and hide it. Even if I ask, the person will lie.
You have to tag the person who tagged you.
1. I don't have any goal.
2. Pain better than happiness. No fake hopes.
3. I don't hide anything.I tell whatever it is right in front of your face. That is what loyalty means to me.
4. I don't like people yell at me.
5. I am a massive failure in man-kind.
6. I hate everything in this world. Everything.
7. I make jokes to cover the pain beneath my skin.
8. I am lonely soul. Ignored. Hated. Pushed away. Threw away.
9. I like to draw. I suck in coloring. I prefer black and white. But, doesn't means that I hate colors.
10. Experiences do change how a person think and act.
11. I put a special person on top of everything in my life. It's a special place in my life for you. Only foe you. I put trust, hope, and everything on you.
12. Every worst part of you was me.
13. I hate engineering since I was small. But, you see, now I am doing it, I am studying it and it's my future. I am living in my own hate now.
14. Nothing gonna be okay till our last breath. Life will suck out all the things we have. Till we give up.
15. Life never will be fair at all to anyone.
16. I suck all the time. Everything I touch, everything I think, everything I wish will fall down and break to pieces.
17. I drink, I smoke then I cry.
18. I like talking alone, imagine, make my own world and live in that world.
19. I sleep hugging my wife.
20. I have a senseless brain and stubborn as an idiot immature jerk.
21. I cant think properly.
22. I got double-XL memory, I cant forgive and forget easily. I live in regret.
23. Undone dream - tattoo, graphic designer, tattoo shop, keep wife happy, wake up with her.
24. I gonna die in 1 month+ time.
25. Your turn.
Well, this is basically the same in facebook. I would not tag anyone. Whoever read this or enter my blog, you are tagged!!! Let's see how honest you are. You wanna hide, I dont give a shit about it and dont be my friend anymore. Just FUCK OFF!!!
p.s.: I know who will ignore and hide it. Even if I ask, the person will lie.
Evil world.
After a tragedy, I get to know that girlfriend will lie just to hide a small thing, even she know her boyfriend dont like she lying to him. Actually the guy knows what happen but he still wanna hear it from his girlfriend, so that he can know what happening behind him. He did not scolded her or wanna sabotage her. So, he asked and she lied. So, he asked again and she lied again. She did not felt a portion of the guilty that the guy felt for his girlfriend when she lied. At last they end up arguing. After the fight ended, then he asked again and then she admitted what she did. But, lie is still a lie. Disappointment still hurts even she admit it later. Disappointment of his own girlfriend intend to hide something and lied to him.
Now, look how evil is this world. What left to be appreciated?? Everyday things getting worst. Where is the God?? Seriously, where?? Cant you see?? Innocent people suffering coz of your game. Yea, I know. Nothing is free. No pain, no gain. All the bullshit. But then, why you create us for, if you wanna suck our life out of us??
If you gave us the world, why you let people to destroy it?? Why you let them to pollute it?? Why when I born, there were pollution?? I dont have the opportunity to inhale clean air anymore. Do I have to be thankful?? Now, even I smoke, it's not gonna make any difference. Who wanna change the world?? Owh, may be the person who complain about their life and then telling people not to complain.
Something for the person I love:
We're all we got in this world
When it spins, when it swirls
When it whirls, when it twirls
Two little beautiful girls
Fuck each other and die
This is how the story ends
(copied form Eminem brain and altered)
p.s.: Now, you should ponder. You cant fuck just with a pussy, bitch, you need a dick!!!
Now, look how evil is this world. What left to be appreciated?? Everyday things getting worst. Where is the God?? Seriously, where?? Cant you see?? Innocent people suffering coz of your game. Yea, I know. Nothing is free. No pain, no gain. All the bullshit. But then, why you create us for, if you wanna suck our life out of us??
If you gave us the world, why you let people to destroy it?? Why you let them to pollute it?? Why when I born, there were pollution?? I dont have the opportunity to inhale clean air anymore. Do I have to be thankful?? Now, even I smoke, it's not gonna make any difference. Who wanna change the world?? Owh, may be the person who complain about their life and then telling people not to complain.
Something for the person I love:
We're all we got in this world
When it spins, when it swirls
When it whirls, when it twirls
Two little beautiful girls
Fuck each other and die
This is how the story ends
(copied form Eminem brain and altered)
p.s.: Now, you should ponder. You cant fuck just with a pussy, bitch, you need a dick!!!
Friday, May 15, 2009
Tattoo
All of sudden, I felt like wanna wear the ring. But, I'm not the person to wear it anymore. Lately, only one thing was in my mind. Let it be secret.
When you left, you killed my wife and my son. Did you realize that?? Even though it's imaginary. When you grew stronger, I'm losing it all. You spat, you insult, you step on me and all I did just defense myself. No anger, nothing. Why is that so?? Why??
It hurts a lot when someone else replaced you in your place. For example, suddenly, your boss hired a new guy and put him in your position without informing you. When you tried to fight back for your position, no one seems to be care, but the chase you away. And the boss gives you a reason which you cant deny. Will you admit and walk away or stand and fight back?? A weak heart facing all the words from so many people. Why I intend to stand in pain when there were many ways to walk out from the pain?? Why??
p.s.: A step you put away from me is...
When you left, you killed my wife and my son. Did you realize that?? Even though it's imaginary. When you grew stronger, I'm losing it all. You spat, you insult, you step on me and all I did just defense myself. No anger, nothing. Why is that so?? Why??
It hurts a lot when someone else replaced you in your place. For example, suddenly, your boss hired a new guy and put him in your position without informing you. When you tried to fight back for your position, no one seems to be care, but the chase you away. And the boss gives you a reason which you cant deny. Will you admit and walk away or stand and fight back?? A weak heart facing all the words from so many people. Why I intend to stand in pain when there were many ways to walk out from the pain?? Why??
p.s.: A step you put away from me is...
Kekashi gelapku.
Ku mencintaimu, lebih dari apapun
Meskipun tiada satu orang pun yang tahu
Ku mencintaimu, sedalam-dalam hatiku
Meskipun engkau hanya kekasih gelapku...
Ku tahu ku takkan selalu ada untukmu
Disaat engkau merindukan diriku
Ku tahu ku takkan bisa memberikanmu waktu
Yang panjang dalam hidupku
Yakinlah bahwa engkau adalah cintaku
Yang ku cari selama ini dalam hidupku
Dan hanya padamu ku berikan sisa cintaku
Yang panjang dalam hidupku...
Ku mencintaimu, lebih dari apapun
Meskipun tiada satu orang pun yang tahu
Ku mencintaimu, sedalam-dalam hatiku
Meskipun engkau hanya kekasih gelapku...
Ku mencintaimu, lebih dari apapun
Meskipun tiada satu orang pun yang tahu
Ku mencintaimu, sedalam-dalam hatiku
Meskipun engkau hanya kekasih gelapku...
Ooh...
Ku mencintaimu, lebih dari apapun
Meskipun tiada satu orang pun yang tahu
Ku mencintaimu, sedalam-dalam hatiku
Meskipun engkau hanya kekasih gelapku...
p.s.: For the previous post.
Meskipun tiada satu orang pun yang tahu
Ku mencintaimu, sedalam-dalam hatiku
Meskipun engkau hanya kekasih gelapku...
Ku tahu ku takkan selalu ada untukmu
Disaat engkau merindukan diriku
Ku tahu ku takkan bisa memberikanmu waktu
Yang panjang dalam hidupku
Yakinlah bahwa engkau adalah cintaku
Yang ku cari selama ini dalam hidupku
Dan hanya padamu ku berikan sisa cintaku
Yang panjang dalam hidupku...
Ku mencintaimu, lebih dari apapun
Meskipun tiada satu orang pun yang tahu
Ku mencintaimu, sedalam-dalam hatiku
Meskipun engkau hanya kekasih gelapku...
Ku mencintaimu, lebih dari apapun
Meskipun tiada satu orang pun yang tahu
Ku mencintaimu, sedalam-dalam hatiku
Meskipun engkau hanya kekasih gelapku...
Ooh...
Ku mencintaimu, lebih dari apapun
Meskipun tiada satu orang pun yang tahu
Ku mencintaimu, sedalam-dalam hatiku
Meskipun engkau hanya kekasih gelapku...
p.s.: For the previous post.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Please!!!
HEADACHE!!!
I cant even sleep now. Oh, please, I want to sleep. Make me sleep. Gimme the sleeping pills you usually gimme last time. Gimme the medicines you usually gimme last time. Gimme. I want it now!!! Please honey. I cant endure it anymore. I am suffocating, suffering and and everything honey. Come on. Please. I cant take it anymore. Aching honey. Can you hear me?? Can you??
I cant even sleep now. Oh, please, I want to sleep. Make me sleep. Gimme the sleeping pills you usually gimme last time. Gimme the medicines you usually gimme last time. Gimme. I want it now!!! Please honey. I cant endure it anymore. I am suffocating, suffering and and everything honey. Come on. Please. I cant take it anymore. Aching honey. Can you hear me?? Can you??
p.s.: Please!!!
What Hurts The Most.
I dunno what time I slept and I am awake again, 1.29 a.m. I dunno what was wrong, just now I slept after blog about headache. Now, I know why I had headache just now, not enough sleep. Now, I guess I know what's the meaning torture very well. May be I am guilty to hurt you, but I just dunno what is torturing me for few months. Sometimes I cry till I felt asleep. Sometimes I scream till my lungs sore. Deep inside I am bleeding. No matter what is the fact, no matter I know what is the risk I am taking now, deep inside there are many many tiny lil pieces of my heart wants you, wants you to come back and hug me. Although I know you are not gonna come back, but a small, very tiny, hope are still there. I am living based on the illogical hope now. Idiot am I?? I miss you. I cant sleep without those kiss. I lost everything, not only you, everything in my life. My confidence that one day everything will be okay. My dream, every the tiny dreams, everything that I spent a lot of time to make it beautiful. All gone. What hurts the most was looking at the things that you thought you will definitely will have it in your life no matter what is no more in your life. It's falling down right in front of you. I am sorry. I just cant ignore my feelings and hide it.
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
p.s.: I dunno how I'm gonna pass you your stuff. I really dunno.
Wounded
So you come along,
I push you away,
Then kick and scream for you to stay.
p.s.: Headache. Reminds me of her medicine, lemonade.
Alleycats
Alleycats, I like yall hair man!!!!
I like this line "My feelings asked me to endure the pain". Imba!!
p.s.: My heart suffering like a fish suffocating on the ground without water. There is a nice word in Tamil.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Sorry!!!
Well Andrew, like your words dude,
No matter how big the pain, it is not even an inch of the happiness everyone's feeling now, so I'll bury it deep deep down...
Well, do you think how to do so?? I gonna choose a way now. I already made a move when I create the blog.
p.s.: For the happiness. For the smile. For the tears. So sorry to being emo, I just I dont want to move on. I am happy to being like this.
No matter how big the pain, it is not even an inch of the happiness everyone's feeling now, so I'll bury it deep deep down...
Well, do you think how to do so?? I gonna choose a way now. I already made a move when I create the blog.
p.s.: For the happiness. For the smile. For the tears. So sorry to being emo, I just I dont want to move on. I am happy to being like this.
LOL!!!
WTF wei?? My smoking spot become hot already. Just now got another guy join the spot. That day, I saw two guy smoking at there. Guess I should name it after my name. LOL!!!
p.s.: End of emo post people. I guess so. If not, Andrew gonna cut my balls off and (er..) forget what he said.
p.s.: End of emo post people. I guess so. If not, Andrew gonna cut my balls off and (er..) forget what he said.
Go On Girl...
Why every time you will do something and I the one getting hurt?? I did not ask my friend to ask you to come back to me, right?? I did not ask any of your friends to feel pity for me right?? Stop blaming me for what I did not do. All the blame is not enough huh??
Come on, I am not doing anything. Cant you see?? If I suicide, I would not die just coz of you dumped me, it's coz of your words. Words hurt deeper than action. Guess you dont know.
And can you please stop it. I dont wanna fight or argue. If no one like to read my blog, its ok. I will still blog. Its for me. Its mine. Just dont talk like you know everything about me and whatever happen.
Now, to all your friends, we broke up coz of me. Enough?? Now, your reputation would not be spoiled. Just spit if you have any. I will be quiet. I am weak enough to ignore you. Cant you see?? I am not calling you. I am not sms-ing you. Cant you see?? I am trying all I can.
p.s.: If you wanna reply this with your anger, go on. There are nothing left to be hurt anymore.
Come on, I am not doing anything. Cant you see?? If I suicide, I would not die just coz of you dumped me, it's coz of your words. Words hurt deeper than action. Guess you dont know.
And can you please stop it. I dont wanna fight or argue. If no one like to read my blog, its ok. I will still blog. Its for me. Its mine. Just dont talk like you know everything about me and whatever happen.
Now, to all your friends, we broke up coz of me. Enough?? Now, your reputation would not be spoiled. Just spit if you have any. I will be quiet. I am weak enough to ignore you. Cant you see?? I am not calling you. I am not sms-ing you. Cant you see?? I am trying all I can.
p.s.: If you wanna reply this with your anger, go on. There are nothing left to be hurt anymore.
Why you doing this to me??
Ok. You have sense unlike me. Label me as you wish, as you want. It's not gonna make any difference. Yea, you better than me. Ok?? You deserve better. I did not say anything bad about you here right?? It's between me and my ex. Come on. You are not mine,ok?? But those memories is mine. I did not steal it from you or what. It's me who making your life worse?? It's you by the way. If you dont want me, first of all, you should not read my blog. If you dont care, then dont try to convince me. Well you just can say I am an idiot, immature lifeless jackass, which begging for your love right, when they came and blame you. By using that way, your reputation would not be spoiled. And I dont care what you say about me. After all, it's you.
Why you called it stalking while you do it too?? You read my blog too. Did I say anything about that?? Please. I am not disturbing you. This blog is the only place I have right now. Why you intend to destory that too??
If I was pulling your leg, then why this things happening now?? Guess that is how much you know about me. Please leave me alone. This is not only for you, for your friends too. I admit whatever you wanna blame. I will take all of it. Just go away.
If you wanna read my blog, it's ok. May be you will be happy, looking me suffering. Let it be that way. I dont mind. If you dont like or whatever. Talk to me directly, dont involve anyone in this.
p.s.: Guess you did not read my previous post. I am preparing my suicidal note. I am not gonna involve you in anything. Never ever. I am gonna end this soon.
Why you called it stalking while you do it too?? You read my blog too. Did I say anything about that?? Please. I am not disturbing you. This blog is the only place I have right now. Why you intend to destory that too??
If I was pulling your leg, then why this things happening now?? Guess that is how much you know about me. Please leave me alone. This is not only for you, for your friends too. I admit whatever you wanna blame. I will take all of it. Just go away.
If you wanna read my blog, it's ok. May be you will be happy, looking me suffering. Let it be that way. I dont mind. If you dont like or whatever. Talk to me directly, dont involve anyone in this.
p.s.: Guess you did not read my previous post. I am preparing my suicidal note. I am not gonna involve you in anything. Never ever. I am gonna end this soon.
Leave me alone!!!
Well, look what we have now!!! I really dont want to blog about some people that I really dont know. But to tell the truth, they all really have fucking damn itchy pussies man. What the FUCK you care huh?? There was something people used to said," Well, if your friend asked you to eat shit, so will you??". Well, you all, guess just the body grown up it seems. By the way, it's my blog and I am gonna blog whatever I want. If your friend dont like it, dont ever open my blog and read it. Thats all. As a return, I am not gonna disturb her anymore. Ok??
I digested it very well. Nomore pain bitch!!! I am free now. May be I moved on. Ops!! Did I said that?? So, you dont mean anything to me?? May be!!!
I never thought there are some idiots which publish a post for an unknown person!!! Wow. Interesting!! I know that no sobs story gonna bring her back and I didnt ask her to come back too. Who wanna live with a such(I no need to say it)?? Am I torturing her?? Do you really know what is torture?? I am not hurting her but then why she care what I blog?? Lemme live and deal with my pain. I dont want to have problems with others coz of this. This is between me and my "one-side love". I choose pain. May be the pain gonna kill me. I dont care, even she dont care. If its gonna damage me, let it be that way.
Did you think about this, if she's not guilty, why she asked you to post that?? I didnt mention her name or what-so-ever in my blog. Bitch about her?? Did you saw anything like that except this post?? Then what's bothering her??
p.s.: Please, dont disturb me. I'm not disturbing you, right. And you with the unknown person post, we dont have anything between us, so please dont drag this.
I digested it very well. Nomore pain bitch!!! I am free now. May be I moved on. Ops!! Did I said that?? So, you dont mean anything to me?? May be!!!
I never thought there are some idiots which publish a post for an unknown person!!! Wow. Interesting!! I know that no sobs story gonna bring her back and I didnt ask her to come back too. Who wanna live with a such(I no need to say it)?? Am I torturing her?? Do you really know what is torture?? I am not hurting her but then why she care what I blog?? Lemme live and deal with my pain. I dont want to have problems with others coz of this. This is between me and my "one-side love". I choose pain. May be the pain gonna kill me. I dont care, even she dont care. If its gonna damage me, let it be that way.
Did you think about this, if she's not guilty, why she asked you to post that?? I didnt mention her name or what-so-ever in my blog. Bitch about her?? Did you saw anything like that except this post?? Then what's bothering her??
p.s.: Please, dont disturb me. I'm not disturbing you, right. And you with the unknown person post, we dont have anything between us, so please dont drag this.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
It's mine too.
Well, not everything is about you. A part of it is mine.
p.s.: I am not gonna stop writing about you. Sorry..
Monday, May 11, 2009
Tagged
Tagged by Prena..
Dont do this next time..
Coz its dumb questions..
What color socks are you wearing?
im bare footed.. do u hav problem wit it??
If you could get away scot-free, would you kill someone?
i wanna decrease my sins, so plz!!!
If aliens were attacking the Earth, would you run or make friends?
i dun trust in aliens all.. sori!!
What job do you see yourself at 20 years from now?
pusher!!
When was the last time you burst into song for no reason?
19 years ago..
What song was it?
waaaaaaaaaaaaah..
Have you ever finger-painted?
i dun wanna be painted!!
When you die, where do you want to be buried?
near hell..
Do you consider a giant atom-smasher a threat to humanity?
WTF?
Do you want pigs to fly?
i dun give a fuck bout it.. i juz need pork 2 eat.. thats all..
If you could be invisible for one day, what would you do?
there no such thing..
Would you rather fist-fight a badger or a koala?
i prefer koka koala!!!
What would the theme song of your life be?
i dun need it..
You have 70 seconds to live. What do you DO?!
er!! kill maself b4 70 seconds..
Where was the last place you swore you'd never go to again?
heaven!!
Does the Taco Bell dog scare you?
wat the fuck is Taco Bell dog?
Jedis or ninjas?
i prefer ninjas killing jedis and den kill themselves..
Would you trust a polar bear with your life?
is tis golden compass movie?? WTF??
Would you rather eat moldy meat or drink rotten milk?
i rather starve and die!!
Do you wish Pokemon were real?
i prefer pokemon having sex wit digimon..
Have you ever played chicken with cars just for the hell of it?
wat the fuck??
Would you take advice from a talking McDonalds sandwich?
den how d fuck i wanna eat it?? asshole!!!
What would you rather blow up: a puppy or a kitty?
i prefer puppy fight wit a kitty and both oso die at d last..
Do you understand what "e=mc2" means?
where d world find d end of world..
Dont do this next time..
Coz its dumb questions..
What color socks are you wearing?
im bare footed.. do u hav problem wit it??
If you could get away scot-free, would you kill someone?
i wanna decrease my sins, so plz!!!
If aliens were attacking the Earth, would you run or make friends?
i dun trust in aliens all.. sori!!
What job do you see yourself at 20 years from now?
pusher!!
When was the last time you burst into song for no reason?
19 years ago..
What song was it?
waaaaaaaaaaaaah..
Have you ever finger-painted?
i dun wanna be painted!!
When you die, where do you want to be buried?
near hell..
Do you consider a giant atom-smasher a threat to humanity?
WTF?
Do you want pigs to fly?
i dun give a fuck bout it.. i juz need pork 2 eat.. thats all..
If you could be invisible for one day, what would you do?
there no such thing..
Would you rather fist-fight a badger or a koala?
i prefer koka koala!!!
What would the theme song of your life be?
i dun need it..
You have 70 seconds to live. What do you DO?!
er!! kill maself b4 70 seconds..
Where was the last place you swore you'd never go to again?
heaven!!
Does the Taco Bell dog scare you?
wat the fuck is Taco Bell dog?
Jedis or ninjas?
i prefer ninjas killing jedis and den kill themselves..
Would you trust a polar bear with your life?
is tis golden compass movie?? WTF??
Would you rather eat moldy meat or drink rotten milk?
i rather starve and die!!
Do you wish Pokemon were real?
i prefer pokemon having sex wit digimon..
Have you ever played chicken with cars just for the hell of it?
wat the fuck??
Would you take advice from a talking McDonalds sandwich?
den how d fuck i wanna eat it?? asshole!!!
What would you rather blow up: a puppy or a kitty?
i prefer puppy fight wit a kitty and both oso die at d last..
Do you understand what "e=mc2" means?
where d world find d end of world..
Sunday, May 10, 2009
No One Can
There is something that I cant put in words. I am lost. Wondering about something fake. Will she come back?? I can feel the emptiness of my heart. My feelings are drying. I should be studying for finals. But I cant. I cant even do a thing.
The fact is when a guy have girlfriend, he usually will have financial problem. But in my case, when she was there, I have money, my savings. Now, I dont have anything. No savings. Nothing. I think it should be put in this way, I wanna buy things for her, so I save money. I planned to send roses to you when you was at India. That was the reason I asked you about address. Failed. I planned to buy Linkin Park dvd for you as Christmas gift. We break up before I buy the dvd. Actually I planned to buy on that week. Failed. For 1 year anniversary, I thought wanna buy a ring. Never had time to thinking about that yet. Consider failed. I am sick of thinking what I could did for you if I had a chance.
I miss your smile. The tears. Some more asking sorry after cried. You have no idea how much you kept me happy. Always go back late, then lie to my mom. Try to hide the bite marks, the nails marks. I never been in that much of happiness in my life ever. And I dont want to replace you. Never. Well, no one can.
The fact is when a guy have girlfriend, he usually will have financial problem. But in my case, when she was there, I have money, my savings. Now, I dont have anything. No savings. Nothing. I think it should be put in this way, I wanna buy things for her, so I save money. I planned to send roses to you when you was at India. That was the reason I asked you about address. Failed. I planned to buy Linkin Park dvd for you as Christmas gift. We break up before I buy the dvd. Actually I planned to buy on that week. Failed. For 1 year anniversary, I thought wanna buy a ring. Never had time to thinking about that yet. Consider failed. I am sick of thinking what I could did for you if I had a chance.
I miss your smile. The tears. Some more asking sorry after cried. You have no idea how much you kept me happy. Always go back late, then lie to my mom. Try to hide the bite marks, the nails marks. I never been in that much of happiness in my life ever. And I dont want to replace you. Never. Well, no one can.
p.s.: Please try to understand.
Here Comes Goodbye - Rascal Flatts
I can hear the truck tires coming up the gravel road
And its not like her to drive that slow, nothings on the radio
Footsteps on the front porch, I hear my doorbell
She usually comes right in, now I can tell
Here comes goodbye, here comes the last time
Here comes the start of every sleepless night
The first of every tear Im gonna cry
Here comes the pain, Here comes me wishing things had never changed
And she was right here in my arms tonight, but here comes goodbye
I can hear her say I love you like it was yesterday
And I can see it written on her face that she had never felt this way
One day I thought Id see her with her daddy by her side
And violins would play here comes the bride
Here comes goodbye, here comes the last time
Here comes the start of every sleepless night
The first of every tear Im gonna cry
Here comes the pain, Here comes me wishing things had never changed(d)
And she was right here in my arms tonight, but here comes goodbye
Why does it have to go from good to gone?
Before the lights turn on, yeah and you're left alone
All alone, but here comes goodbye
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Here comes goodbye, here comes the last time
Here comes the start of every sleepless night
The first of every tear I'm gonna cry
Here comes the pain, Here comes me wishing things had never changed
And she was right here in my arms tonight, but here comes goodbye
I dont understand about the music video. So, it's better I dont post it.
p.s.: I really miss the way you will put your face on my hand and hug it. Why are you ignoring me?? I miss you so much, honey. I dunno how to make you understand.
And its not like her to drive that slow, nothings on the radio
Footsteps on the front porch, I hear my doorbell
She usually comes right in, now I can tell
Here comes goodbye, here comes the last time
Here comes the start of every sleepless night
The first of every tear Im gonna cry
Here comes the pain, Here comes me wishing things had never changed
And she was right here in my arms tonight, but here comes goodbye
I can hear her say I love you like it was yesterday
And I can see it written on her face that she had never felt this way
One day I thought Id see her with her daddy by her side
And violins would play here comes the bride
Here comes goodbye, here comes the last time
Here comes the start of every sleepless night
The first of every tear Im gonna cry
Here comes the pain, Here comes me wishing things had never changed(d)
And she was right here in my arms tonight, but here comes goodbye
Why does it have to go from good to gone?
Before the lights turn on, yeah and you're left alone
All alone, but here comes goodbye
Oh-oh-oh-oh
Here comes goodbye, here comes the last time
Here comes the start of every sleepless night
The first of every tear I'm gonna cry
Here comes the pain, Here comes me wishing things had never changed
And she was right here in my arms tonight, but here comes goodbye
I dont understand about the music video. So, it's better I dont post it.
p.s.: I really miss the way you will put your face on my hand and hug it. Why are you ignoring me?? I miss you so much, honey. I dunno how to make you understand.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Songs!!
Now, its 4.43 a.m. I am weak enough to sleep. Every night, this is repeating.
Some songs seem to be written for me.
p.s.: Could not find So Sick-Ne Yo. Will upload later. Now 5.05. Haiz!!!
Some songs seem to be written for me.
p.s.: Could not find So Sick-Ne Yo. Will upload later. Now 5.05. Haiz!!!
Please click on it.
Its a website where you can design t-shirt. So, now I need people to vote, so that they will accept it.
http://www.designbyhumans.com/vote/detail/53680
Thank you for contributing.
http://www.designbyhumans.com/vote/detail/53680
Thank you for contributing.
Husband store??!!
Husband Store
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. 'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign r eads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth f loor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
p.s.: Thanks for Patrick's email. Just copy and paste only. The truth wei!!!
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Life quotes tragedy!!!
I actually wanna find some life quotes to motivate myself. But then, its make me smile thinking about you again. Haiz...
1)“It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel.”
2)“If I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do, and I will.”
3)“I'm not supposed to love you, I'm not supposed to care, I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were there. I'm not supposed to wonder where you are or what you do...I'm sorry I can't help myself, I'm in love with you.”
4)“You may not love me today, tomorrow, or ever, but I will love you until it kills me, and, even then, you'll be in my heart.”
5)“Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over.”
6)“The love that lasts the longest is the love that is never returned.”
7)“One of the hardest things in life is watching the person you love, love someone else.”
8)“The one who loves you will make you weep.”
9)“Being hurt by someone you truly care about leaves a hole in you heart that only love can fill.”
10)“Remember me and smile, for it's better to forget than remember me and cry.”
11)“I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.”
12)“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”
p.s.: Number 4 really is something.
1)“It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel.”
2)“If I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do, and I will.”
3)“I'm not supposed to love you, I'm not supposed to care, I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were there. I'm not supposed to wonder where you are or what you do...I'm sorry I can't help myself, I'm in love with you.”
4)“You may not love me today, tomorrow, or ever, but I will love you until it kills me, and, even then, you'll be in my heart.”
5)“Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over.”
6)“The love that lasts the longest is the love that is never returned.”
7)“One of the hardest things in life is watching the person you love, love someone else.”
8)“The one who loves you will make you weep.”
9)“Being hurt by someone you truly care about leaves a hole in you heart that only love can fill.”
10)“Remember me and smile, for it's better to forget than remember me and cry.”
11)“I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.”
12)“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”
p.s.: Number 4 really is something.
Answer please!!!
Sometimes heart works like current flow. It will find the easiest way, less resistance way to reach ground. Guess my heart finding way to reach ground. I rather die than thinking about those things. How I am gonna carry all those things all the way in my life?? I cant accept it anymore. What you are doing now really hurts me a lot. I know you dont care. Last time I used to pray that I wanna die, God please kill me. But now, why not I do that?? Why not I be God for a moment?? Know what, when I think about her, I am smiling. Why is that so?? Why?? Even the God cant give the answer.
I really wanna ask something to the God. Dont you feel guilty to ruined my life?? You bring her into my life. Then I was very thankful for that. You know I was. Every time I prayed, did I asked money?? Did I ask more?? I asked to keep her with me. That was all I asked. I told you she was enough for me, I cant ask more right?? Then why do you doing this to me?? What you want me to do?? Is that a mistake?? I am losing everything on you. I am sorry. Its not coz of you make me sad. Its coz there were many things in my life you can take. But, why her?? Why?? You know how much she meant to me. I thought you more, but now, I am sorry, I am losing everything. You give a life, its perfect. I have perfect body with 2 hands and 2 legs, parents, friends, and some strangers which help me sometimes. But, you gave me a heart which cant heal. Why is that so?? How I am gonna live if the wounds not gonna heal?? Its bleeding. Cant you see?? Huh?? People say you know everything. Now I am wondering, do you know everything?? How I am gonna pray after this?? I cant take the betrayal. I am sorry. I wanna put an end for this.
I really wanna ask something to the God. Dont you feel guilty to ruined my life?? You bring her into my life. Then I was very thankful for that. You know I was. Every time I prayed, did I asked money?? Did I ask more?? I asked to keep her with me. That was all I asked. I told you she was enough for me, I cant ask more right?? Then why do you doing this to me?? What you want me to do?? Is that a mistake?? I am losing everything on you. I am sorry. Its not coz of you make me sad. Its coz there were many things in my life you can take. But, why her?? Why?? You know how much she meant to me. I thought you more, but now, I am sorry, I am losing everything. You give a life, its perfect. I have perfect body with 2 hands and 2 legs, parents, friends, and some strangers which help me sometimes. But, you gave me a heart which cant heal. Why is that so?? How I am gonna live if the wounds not gonna heal?? Its bleeding. Cant you see?? Huh?? People say you know everything. Now I am wondering, do you know everything?? How I am gonna pray after this?? I cant take the betrayal. I am sorry. I wanna put an end for this.
p.s.: I am preparing suicidal note.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Its for you...
Sometimes you will feel your life is worst in this world. But there were many worst than us. So this blog gonna be one of those. I hope this will make any reader change how they feel about their life. I am not gonna tell, don't trust girls or all those things. Love, forgive, forget, and make everyone happy. Coz life is too short. Dont expect tomorrow gonna be in your live. Tomorrow will be worst than today. Life will never be fair at all. All the time, I described life as a smooth wall. You do good stuff, you will get back the good. But, I was wrong. Sometimes, this theory cant be applied. Dont have expectation, coz that is the main reason for dissapointments. Trust me, dissapointment hurts like hell, coz all you believed, all the hope you put, will just make no sense at all. You will feel empty and started to hate you life. Everything will look ugly when you hate your life.
p.s.: Dont hit the dead end, people!!!
p.s.: Dont hit the dead end, people!!!
Why??
Whats wrong with me?? After so many things, how can I still miss her?? Wheres my dignity?? Even anger?? Do I love her that much?? I dunno. I really dunno. I wanna get the hell out of the misery. I need a light. Please guide the way out.
Thank you to remove those things. I am sorry to be rude. Coz once I let you step on me, you will step me more. I just wanna defend myself. Thats all. You can label me as what you want.
I never let anyone in my life to talk so cheap about me. If they did, those words, the anger, even after so long, I would not forgive them at all. But you. It's not even took a day also. Why?? Why you are so special?? Why??!!
I also wanna throw you away like you did. I really want it to happen. This love is killing me. I dont want it anymore. It's been far too long already. Why?? Why it should be you to do those things to me?? Why?? Why it should be you?? Why??
I hate when the night comes. I hate when I am weak enough to fall asleep. And I dream all those things. Haiz...
p.s.: You are a special person in my life.
Thank you to remove those things. I am sorry to be rude. Coz once I let you step on me, you will step me more. I just wanna defend myself. Thats all. You can label me as what you want.
I never let anyone in my life to talk so cheap about me. If they did, those words, the anger, even after so long, I would not forgive them at all. But you. It's not even took a day also. Why?? Why you are so special?? Why??!!
I also wanna throw you away like you did. I really want it to happen. This love is killing me. I dont want it anymore. It's been far too long already. Why?? Why it should be you to do those things to me?? Why?? Why it should be you?? Why??
I hate when the night comes. I hate when I am weak enough to fall asleep. And I dream all those things. Haiz...
p.s.: You are a special person in my life.
How Do You Sleep
I like the car. Black sumore. Damn cun ler!!!
And no need to say, the chicks!!! Looks like model...
And no need to say, the chicks!!! Looks like model...
Silence...
Silence is the best way to ignore some annoying thingy in your life.
p.s.: Hidup ini memang pantat, tapi esok tetap ada!!!
p.s.: Hidup ini memang pantat, tapi esok tetap ada!!!
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Very the cold world!!!
Life.
Never let other people know your weakness. Coz they gonna poke right at the place and step on you. Human never said enough for anything. They will never think about other people when they didn't get what they want. They will step right on your head and make you weak, weak till you give up to stand back and fight.
It's like a group of lion. The strongest lion will fight with other lions just to rule the group. Power. Even the lion wants power in his life. So, how can human ignore power?? Life nowadays is getting like a animal life. "Strongest will survive". Strong will stay strong, weak will stay weak. Rich will stay rich, poor will stay poor.
Example, a girl spit on a guy about himself, his family and his life. And the guy cant stand and fight back. This is basically proving that strong stay strong, weak stay weak. Strong will step on weak and get the power. But wait, it's a concept of animal life. The main reason why human can think and animal cant is there is a different between human and animal. Why human nowadays wanna be animal??
p.s.: People, as human have mercy for the weak. Prove that there is still a thin line.
Never let other people know your weakness. Coz they gonna poke right at the place and step on you. Human never said enough for anything. They will never think about other people when they didn't get what they want. They will step right on your head and make you weak, weak till you give up to stand back and fight.
It's like a group of lion. The strongest lion will fight with other lions just to rule the group. Power. Even the lion wants power in his life. So, how can human ignore power?? Life nowadays is getting like a animal life. "Strongest will survive". Strong will stay strong, weak will stay weak. Rich will stay rich, poor will stay poor.
Example, a girl spit on a guy about himself, his family and his life. And the guy cant stand and fight back. This is basically proving that strong stay strong, weak stay weak. Strong will step on weak and get the power. But wait, it's a concept of animal life. The main reason why human can think and animal cant is there is a different between human and animal. Why human nowadays wanna be animal??
p.s.: People, as human have mercy for the weak. Prove that there is still a thin line.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
I can't endure the pain anymore, honey.
Another tiring weekend. People planned to have a loaf of rest at my sis place(KL) with parents and nephew and niece. It's turns out like a disaster. Suddenly my mom running towards the room door crying and yelling "You better wake up now and pack up your things, grandmom died". I was like owh shit, my SLEEP. Then I asked her back, "Why I wanna pack my things?? I can go back to my hostel". The reply was "You are the grandson, people will be looking for you at there". Then have to help my dad answering his calls when he was driving the car. It tooks less than 3 hours from KL to Penang wei!!! My dad literally flew to Penang.
Reach at Penang, suddenly people started to cry all. I was like WTF!!! She lived long enough, 90 plus years man!!! I like wanna ask them "Is 90 years not enough for your mom??". But then I will be whacked till death. So, shut the fuck up and mind my own business. It's like a whole bunch of people that my grandmom not even knew them are crying. Haiz!!!
Even busy, still have time to think about her. It's not I wanna think about her. It's just when I enter my room, all the memories refreshed by itself. All I can do is just smile alone, wondering will things will be beautiful like last time. She was the most beautiful thing ever happen in my life. Why it should ended like this?? I thought wanna give her back her things but then my mom said, no need bring anything. Your clothes at home is enough for you to stay. I like "urgh". Damn I missed it again. I wanna meet her, but when I think I wanna meet, it's gonna be the last time to see her face. I wanna meet her as soon as possible yet I dont want too. I wanna drag the moment as long as I can. Coz once I give the things, that's all. I'm gone from her life. That's all. She will close the chapter.
Hey, stop ignoring me. I still miss you. I dunno what I should do to forget you. I wish I can.
p.s.: I cant endure the pain anymore, honey.
Reach at Penang, suddenly people started to cry all. I was like WTF!!! She lived long enough, 90 plus years man!!! I like wanna ask them "Is 90 years not enough for your mom??". But then I will be whacked till death. So, shut the fuck up and mind my own business. It's like a whole bunch of people that my grandmom not even knew them are crying. Haiz!!!
Even busy, still have time to think about her. It's not I wanna think about her. It's just when I enter my room, all the memories refreshed by itself. All I can do is just smile alone, wondering will things will be beautiful like last time. She was the most beautiful thing ever happen in my life. Why it should ended like this?? I thought wanna give her back her things but then my mom said, no need bring anything. Your clothes at home is enough for you to stay. I like "urgh". Damn I missed it again. I wanna meet her, but when I think I wanna meet, it's gonna be the last time to see her face. I wanna meet her as soon as possible yet I dont want too. I wanna drag the moment as long as I can. Coz once I give the things, that's all. I'm gone from her life. That's all. She will close the chapter.
Hey, stop ignoring me. I still miss you. I dunno what I should do to forget you. I wish I can.
p.s.: I cant endure the pain anymore, honey.
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