Rehab.

Found something interesting.

p.s.: Smile coz the God looking.

American Suitehearts

Do you ever wonder why everything is so hard to obtain?? If everything is already written, then what's the point we tried so fucking much and at last realized that it's not for us?? And at last we will tell to ourselves, at least we tried. It's just doesn't make sense to me anymore. I don't have believe in such things anymore. I believed that everything will be okay one day, but now I realized tomorrow gonna be worst than today.

It's really hard to do what you don't want to do. What's the point we have talent if we can't use those to make us happy. The real happiness is when you see what you can do with what you have. It's not what people gonna say about it, it's about the person inside you. I can't forget my dream, sometimes I feel like wanna drop all those things. But it's inside me, a part of me, nowadays I barely do drawings. I feel like I lost it, it was the only part of myself I loved so much. The only part of me that I wanted to make satisfied. So much. Now, I dunno, I'm stuck between something that I really don't even know.

p.s.: Suffer for something that you don't want is much more worst than suffer for something that you want it with all your heart.

The Fray - Heartless(Cover)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0njUdMm49wI

I can't get 1 that can fit in the frame. So, just search for it. Trust me, it's worth it.

p.s.: Damn creative!!!

She is love.

Yea, I forget something. Finally, I played futsal again. I know the nail gonna hurt, but still the temptation, just fuck those pain and play. Haha!!! Now, I'm blogging after played futsal. Damn fresh!!! But sleepy!!! Planned to do assignment, but I think canceled. Coz nobody replying me.

Well, this song making me more sleepy!!!



p.s.: I dunno why my mind will think creatively at night!!! Nomore drawings, I wanna sleep!!!

Heeeeeeee!!!!

Haha. It's been a while. Busy busy busy. Well, studies, dunno how to describe anymore. It's like the phrase, " I born intelligent, education made me a fool". Things are like the phrase now. I fed up when I study a lot, sacrifice a lot of time, and ended up in the place same as those people that are not trying anything. Well, I'm still trying. I'm getting close to the end. I know still 2 years more. But, after that, it's me. Only me, I can plan all over again. Well this time, there is no other people to be worried anymore. Unlike last time, I have to think about girlfriend. What's she up to, how is she doing, how is her studies going on?? Well now nomore, I can concentrate on mine. It sounds selfish, but it's good in that way. Coz there is nothing to be worried. Even this is not what I wanted, but I can do what I want after I earn some money. Just 2 more years. I can't wait.

p.s.: I'm ready to penetrate. Are you ready to fill those holes??

Guess who's back??

p.s.: Wanted to create this long time ago. Finally, it's done baby!!!

A walk to remember.

What will you do when you stressed?? Well, I tried a new method, I walked. I dont know it's works or not, but it's like make you cheer up a bit. I walked without a direction. I just walked. And then had a small pit-stop, smoking. Then, eat something on the way back. I feel like I need exercise. Coz after the nail on my toe injured, I stopped playing futsal, then I always feel like wanna something till sweating, but I dont know what to do. Need to find a way, but then, all this works I have now, it's already more than enough.

The cutest thing that Prena ever showed me:

p.s.: Wanted a break. Need a vacation. No alcohols, no cigarettes.

Remake of tamil song.

p.s.: It's worth watching!!!

Fact

p.s.: Never enough!!

Protest The Hero

p.s.: Something feeding me!!!

Evanescence.

Tourniquet

I tried to kill the pain
but only brought more
so much more
I lay dying
and I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
am I too lost to be saved
am I too lost?

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

do you remember me
lost for so long
will you be on the other side
or will you forget me
I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
am I too lost to be saved
am I too lost?

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

I want to die!!!

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

my wounds cry for the grave
my soul cries for deliverance
will I be denied Christ
tourniquet
my suicide

p.s.: Something I am hunger for. I dunno what.

Disturbed.

p.s.: I am calmer than ever.

Marilyn Manson.

Lost in holidays!!!

Next week is holiday. I really really need a break. Saturday morning, my bus baby!!! But then, deep inside there is some worries, I am scared. I wanna go back to my house, but I don't want that house, I don't want that room, I don't want that mattress. Seriously, it's gonna make things worst. I dunno. This time my holidays gonna be a bit weird and uncomfortable. I am gonna do an act that everything was fine and is fine. I should learn to do the fake smiles. Where should I go?? Where should I begin?? I started to learn to live in this darkness.

p.s.: What left to a person who lost everything?? I hated everything and loved only her. Now guess yall know what remains.

MCR.

Can you hear me?
Are you near me?
Can we pretend?
To leave and then,
We'll meet again,
When both our cars collide.

p.s.: I love the video clip for Helena. Seriously, it's nice.

Good bye my lover.

Guess time to drop everything that I am hanging on. I don't care how far I am gonna fall. I just wanna get the hell out of the topic. I am back to my old concept. Karma. Whatever you do, you will get back. That's all. There is no such thing hell and heaven. Everything is in this life. I did something wrong. Yea, I admit. So I don't know what is waiting. But then, I deserved it. What else more painful than what I have been through this year. My life ruined. She messed up everything. Everything that I believed. Everything!!! And well, my ex, you did something too, all this time I really really wanted to be there when what you did comes back to you. But then, after this, I don't know how to face you. I really wanted to protect you. I didn't meant anything to be in this way. Coz you know you are the only thing that was everything for me. I don't know why you left, but I know I was me when you was around me.

I am not gonna do anything, tell anything or cross your life anymore. If you want me to be in your life, like you said in your blog, the decision is yours.

p.s.: Bai.

Realized.

I deleted some part of my previously post. It just I realized that it wasn't from me, I don't think that way. I had another talk with my friends, I realized I was confused. I am not telling reason to cover my mistake. It just it's not me. That is not the way I think. All I have I have. I am not the person that pull everything into God. It just God is God and me is me. Nothing changed. Back to what I am. It's not that I changed coz something good happen in my life or what. I am more comfortable in the way I think last time. This is me.

p.s.: Sorry for the mistake I had done, everyone.

Drugs.

This post would be drugs.
I just came across an article.








http://addiction.narcononrehab.com
http://addiction.narcononrehab.com/drug-addiction-stories/rise-fall-drug-addict-part-4/
http://www.nj.com/hudson/index.ssf/2009/02/drug_addict_goes_clean_marries.html

p.s.: Nothing doing with me.

End of the good part inside me.

This will be something that I really really wanna say. Just bear with this people. It's about God.

Well I trusted you, I loved you, I even thought you will make my life better one day, I even thanked you to put her in my life, you know that right. I said I had nothing to ask since I have her in my life. But now, where is everything?? It's like my ex lost the love towards me, I lost the love towards you. I wouldn't thank you for the one year memories coz it's the killer of my whole life. Everything died. May be what I am doing now is just living for the sake of I still have time to enjoy my life before I am dead. I just wanna do everything that I decided to do. Some lost dreams. Everything. Coz I can't find anything that I can trust anymore. Everything I see, I see betrayal, I see pain, I see people faking smiles. Is this what the God have for me?? I didn't asked for money, I didn't ask for luxury life. I just asked you to put her in my life forever. That's all. Is that a lot for you??

Now, I dunno. I went too far to come back. I ran, ran away of the love that I had towards her. I ran, I dunno where I ended up. And now I really don't care. Seriously, nothing matters to me anymore. Even my academic adviser asked me what is matters to you and I answered nothing Miss. She was like well another crap is here. If you planned everything, of coz you know the consequences. When my ex died, I was how stupid a person can be. But when I had the pain in myself, well to tell the truth, she did the right thing.

I dunno. May some people calling me he lost in his world. He is crazy. He is stupid. But when you go through the pain and the betrayal, may be you will know. It's not only ma ex betrayed me, you God, you did it too. I am not the type that fuck the God up, when I had bad time. I didn't do that in my life at all. Only after this break up, seriously, you know how much was that, you know everything coz I always tell you how much she loves me, you took it away. You took something that I kept inside so carefully, that I build with everything I had, that I dreamed every single day. You just took it away. And now, I left with nothing.

May be satan inside me. May be he is showing me the way to hell. Well, if that is the cure, let it be, coz I dunno if I love a girl again, will you keep her in my life forever?? Will you?? Plus, I am not dare enough to fall in love again. When you pour more water inside a filled glass, what will happen?? It will spilled.

p.s: I am equal to a dead body. Well, I am happy coz everything I see, I see money, I see girls, I see drugs.

Weed!!!

No energy to go class. Urgh!! Severe laziness. Now, supposedly I should attend the class, but here I am blogging. Lol!!




Look damn nice eh??

p.s.: I am happy I didn't do anything stupid, coz who wanna see you suffering. It's worth it!!!