Fact

p.s.: Never enough!!

Protest The Hero

p.s.: Something feeding me!!!

Evanescence.

Tourniquet

I tried to kill the pain
but only brought more
so much more
I lay dying
and I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
am I too lost to be saved
am I too lost?

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

do you remember me
lost for so long
will you be on the other side
or will you forget me
I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
am I too lost to be saved
am I too lost?

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

I want to die!!!

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

my wounds cry for the grave
my soul cries for deliverance
will I be denied Christ
tourniquet
my suicide

p.s.: Something I am hunger for. I dunno what.

Disturbed.

p.s.: I am calmer than ever.

Marilyn Manson.

Lost in holidays!!!

Next week is holiday. I really really need a break. Saturday morning, my bus baby!!! But then, deep inside there is some worries, I am scared. I wanna go back to my house, but I don't want that house, I don't want that room, I don't want that mattress. Seriously, it's gonna make things worst. I dunno. This time my holidays gonna be a bit weird and uncomfortable. I am gonna do an act that everything was fine and is fine. I should learn to do the fake smiles. Where should I go?? Where should I begin?? I started to learn to live in this darkness.

p.s.: What left to a person who lost everything?? I hated everything and loved only her. Now guess yall know what remains.

MCR.

Can you hear me?
Are you near me?
Can we pretend?
To leave and then,
We'll meet again,
When both our cars collide.

p.s.: I love the video clip for Helena. Seriously, it's nice.

Good bye my lover.

Guess time to drop everything that I am hanging on. I don't care how far I am gonna fall. I just wanna get the hell out of the topic. I am back to my old concept. Karma. Whatever you do, you will get back. That's all. There is no such thing hell and heaven. Everything is in this life. I did something wrong. Yea, I admit. So I don't know what is waiting. But then, I deserved it. What else more painful than what I have been through this year. My life ruined. She messed up everything. Everything that I believed. Everything!!! And well, my ex, you did something too, all this time I really really wanted to be there when what you did comes back to you. But then, after this, I don't know how to face you. I really wanted to protect you. I didn't meant anything to be in this way. Coz you know you are the only thing that was everything for me. I don't know why you left, but I know I was me when you was around me.

I am not gonna do anything, tell anything or cross your life anymore. If you want me to be in your life, like you said in your blog, the decision is yours.

p.s.: Bai.

Realized.

I deleted some part of my previously post. It just I realized that it wasn't from me, I don't think that way. I had another talk with my friends, I realized I was confused. I am not telling reason to cover my mistake. It just it's not me. That is not the way I think. All I have I have. I am not the person that pull everything into God. It just God is God and me is me. Nothing changed. Back to what I am. It's not that I changed coz something good happen in my life or what. I am more comfortable in the way I think last time. This is me.

p.s.: Sorry for the mistake I had done, everyone.

Drugs.

This post would be drugs.
I just came across an article.








http://addiction.narcononrehab.com
http://addiction.narcononrehab.com/drug-addiction-stories/rise-fall-drug-addict-part-4/
http://www.nj.com/hudson/index.ssf/2009/02/drug_addict_goes_clean_marries.html

p.s.: Nothing doing with me.

End of the good part inside me.

This will be something that I really really wanna say. Just bear with this people. It's about God.

Well I trusted you, I loved you, I even thought you will make my life better one day, I even thanked you to put her in my life, you know that right. I said I had nothing to ask since I have her in my life. But now, where is everything?? It's like my ex lost the love towards me, I lost the love towards you. I wouldn't thank you for the one year memories coz it's the killer of my whole life. Everything died. May be what I am doing now is just living for the sake of I still have time to enjoy my life before I am dead. I just wanna do everything that I decided to do. Some lost dreams. Everything. Coz I can't find anything that I can trust anymore. Everything I see, I see betrayal, I see pain, I see people faking smiles. Is this what the God have for me?? I didn't asked for money, I didn't ask for luxury life. I just asked you to put her in my life forever. That's all. Is that a lot for you??

Now, I dunno. I went too far to come back. I ran, ran away of the love that I had towards her. I ran, I dunno where I ended up. And now I really don't care. Seriously, nothing matters to me anymore. Even my academic adviser asked me what is matters to you and I answered nothing Miss. She was like well another crap is here. If you planned everything, of coz you know the consequences. When my ex died, I was how stupid a person can be. But when I had the pain in myself, well to tell the truth, she did the right thing.

I dunno. May some people calling me he lost in his world. He is crazy. He is stupid. But when you go through the pain and the betrayal, may be you will know. It's not only ma ex betrayed me, you God, you did it too. I am not the type that fuck the God up, when I had bad time. I didn't do that in my life at all. Only after this break up, seriously, you know how much was that, you know everything coz I always tell you how much she loves me, you took it away. You took something that I kept inside so carefully, that I build with everything I had, that I dreamed every single day. You just took it away. And now, I left with nothing.

May be satan inside me. May be he is showing me the way to hell. Well, if that is the cure, let it be, coz I dunno if I love a girl again, will you keep her in my life forever?? Will you?? Plus, I am not dare enough to fall in love again. When you pour more water inside a filled glass, what will happen?? It will spilled.

p.s: I am equal to a dead body. Well, I am happy coz everything I see, I see money, I see girls, I see drugs.

Weed!!!

No energy to go class. Urgh!! Severe laziness. Now, supposedly I should attend the class, but here I am blogging. Lol!!




Look damn nice eh??

p.s.: I am happy I didn't do anything stupid, coz who wanna see you suffering. It's worth it!!!

Never know there is such bullshit..

*The Secret behind the number 11*

Pretty Chilling - read to the bottom. Try it out.
If you are a skeptical person - still read on as it's actually very
interesting!!
This is actually really freaky!! (Mainly the end part, but read it all
first)

1) New York City has 11 letters
2) Afghanistan has 11 letters.
3) Ramsin Yuseb has 11 letters . (The terrorist who threatened to destroy
the Twin Towers in 1993)
4) George W Bush has 11 letters.

This could be a mere coincidence, but this gets interesting:
1) New York is the 11th state.
2) The first plane crashing against the Twin Towers was flight number 11.
3) Flight 11 was carrying 92 passengers. 9 + 2 = 11
4) Flight 77 which also hit Twin Towers , was carrying 65 passengers. 6 + 5
= 11
5) The tragedy was on September 11, or 9/11 as it is now known. 9 + 1+ 1
=11
6) The date is equal to the US emergency services telephone number 911.

Sheer coincidence..?

Read on and make up your own mind:

1) The total number of victims inside all the hi-jacked planes was 254.
2 + 5 + 4 = 11
2) September 11 is day number 254 of the calendar year.
3) The Madrid bombing took place on 3/11/2004. 3 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 4 = 11.
4) The tragedy of Madrid happened 911 days after the Twin Towers incident.

Now this is where things get totally eerie:

The most recognized symbol for the US , after the Stars & Stripes, is the
Eagle. The following verse is taken from the Koran, the Islamic holy book:

"For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The
wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah while some of
the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced: for the wrath of the
Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah and there was peace."

That verse is number 9.11 of the Koran.

Unconvinced about all of this still ..?



Try this and see how you feel afterwards, it made my hair stand on end:

Open Microsoft Word and do the following:

1. Type in upper case Q33 NY. This is the flight number of the first plane
to hit one of the Twin Towers .
2. Highlight the Q33 NY.
3. Change the font size to 48.
4. Change the actual font to the WINGDINGS........................

What do you think now????

p.s.: Freak out when saw the letters. Stupid friend with his e-mail!!!

Karma.

p.s.: I really don't believe in karma, but now I saw it with my own eyes. I dunno!!! This goes to all the life-sucking bitches of our life.

Fuck those fake words!!!

Today, it was so nice. Sleep all the day. Eat and lazy-ing in front of laptop. Skipped all the classes. Only one of it I went.

Few days before, I and two of my friends had a talk. We went out at 12.30 at night. So, the normal thing, we was smoking. Then, my friend said, yesterday I smoked a lot. Some emotional thing it seems. Then both of them know what is that about. And I don't have any idea. But, they all know how the broke up effected me. So the talk continue. Then, one of us have girlfriend. So, he was quiet and just go with the flow. Then one of them said, she was so perfect. I was thinking inside my heart, why girls always be perfect to guys?? They fake everything. Their words, their attitude. After break up, the true colors revealed. I am not referring all the girls. Well, everybody say something in the joyousness of the stupid love, but why it's hard to forget it?? Even just now, I was just thinking about my ex, everything my ex said is totally opposite of what she is doing now. She said she wouldn't leave me, she left. She said she will never ever hate me, now she hate me. She said there is no hate word exists between us, now she created it. She said she will always love me, GOD, I dunno she still loves me or not. Why those fake words gives us so much of hopes and then took everything what we have??

Then comes the shisha!!! Wohoo!!! So, this means it's gonna be a long talk. Then, they all asked me why I broke up. What should I say?? I wanna forget it. So just a brief explanation. Some of my friends already know that I went to the edge of death. I really did. There is some reasons. Some of my friends know about this. Some make fun of it, some know the pain I was suffering. Well, we talked a lot that day. It was a good experience for me. Lesson I learned, don't give everything to someone, coz if they go, they bring everything. Everything. And you left alone with nothing. The best part which you feel stupid is you still trust them but they don't give a damn about you. Everybody will be selfish no matter what they told or promised to you, when they didn't get what they want.

p.s.: Fuck those words. I am happy with what karma doing now. Time to stop and stare.

Girls + Tattoo = ??

p.s.: I dunno her at all!!!

Cursed life!!!

Sleeping late is becoming habit now. God!!! I don't want to sleep late all. I try to sleep early, but can't sleep. I dunno what to do. Argh!!! May be I will repair that habit at Penang. Penang, I coming baby!!! So long I didn't smell the seaside. Bloody KL, no seaside, nothing. All they have is tall tall building. Sigh!!! Missed today morning class. Haiz!!! Anyway, guess what?? Karma working well it seems. In my life, I come across many people who suffered coz karma, including me. Mine already over, think so. LOL!!!

May be they should thinking before do something. I dunno, just an opinion. Well, I did mistakes also, nothing is perfect right?? It's how you fix it. Don't just throw words and blame people and claim that you are defending yourself. There is no hell nor heaven, it's just the karma. Nothing you do could change what you did.

p.s.: Some people never learn. Guess karma is the way.

Lost and found!!!

After the brake up, I was like abandon Linkin Park. I dunno why, all the songs reminds me of her. So, every time Linkin Park song played in Windows Media Player, I will skip the song. Now, I miss those songs!!!

So, now something to start back those addiction.



p.s.: You never know what you have till you missed it.

Ta-da!!!

Wohoo!! Just finished repairing my blog. It's 6.34 in morning. WTF!!! Seriously, can get addicted. Seriously!!! I did this stuffs, like editing, colors, background and etc. like two days ago and just finished. The worst was the background. I edit a picture but then I can't get the URL. For that, I need to open a account in photobucket, imageshack, or flickr. Then, upload the photo all. So the easy way is to use the pictures inside the net. So, the search started. It was a long way!!! I almost see every pictures in photobucket. Haha!!!

So, this is it. Finished. May be I will change the background. Kinda not satisfied.

p.s.: I came across something when I was searching for the background.

Believe nothing,
No matter where you read it,
Or who has said it,
Not even if I have said it,
Unless it agrees with your own reason,
And your common sense.

-Buddha-

Bald!!!

It was me last semester. Wanna cut my hair like that again. Wohoo!!!

p.s.: Guess I will wait forever for my lost love.