Erase the love.

If you compare my life with yours, sure you will say yours worst than mine. But, it's not. You lived every moment in your life, even it makes your condition worst, you had it all. Me, I missed everything, the moment I should have in particular age, I missed it. You live in a world where you do anything without thinking about it's consequences. In my world, everything matter, no matter how small it is.

Every time I wanna move on, it reminds me how bad I treated the girl who loved me so much. I totally sucks in relationship. A lot of love is not enough to make a girl happy. I don't want to put you in this situation and erase those love that you store for me. Recent broke-up left a lot of lessons and scars and it keep reminding me how bad I am. I am the one did those things to her, I made her cry, I tortured her, called her with inappropriate names, I brought all those pain in her life.

No matter what, your world is different, mine is different. Even though we have many in common, it varies in many ways. I live in a world where I have to fake everything and I don't want to pull you in. You might fall in love with me or already fell, but I don't have anything anymore to make you happy. I am damaged. Don't get me wrong if I did something sweet or helped you. Please I want you in my life, as a friend is enough. Because if we get into a relationship, eventually my past will repeat again and you will go far far away from me. I wanna see your face with those smile. I don't wanna destroy what you have now. Just let it be like this.

I wanna love you. As much as I can. But, when I think about all those pain, I can't. I just don't wanna hurt myself again. I am done with love and relationships. It's time for me to bury my feelings deep down inside me. I am in a world where I hate everything and erasing all the love in my life. But, you in a world where you want to create love. You deserve a better guy.

I am sorry. Sometimes, I feel like I don't want to replace my ex,she is the most beautiful thing that happen to be in my life, sometimes, I am scared that I will hurt you like I did to her. Do you want me to feel scared every time I say I love you?? I am sorry.

p.s.: Sorry to love you, honey.