Friday, July 31, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Evanescence.
Tourniquet
I tried to kill the pain
but only brought more
so much more
I lay dying
and I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
am I too lost to be saved
am I too lost?
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
do you remember me
lost for so long
will you be on the other side
or will you forget me
I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
am I too lost to be saved
am I too lost?
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
I want to die!!!
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my wounds cry for the grave
my soul cries for deliverance
will I be denied Christ
tourniquet
my suicide
p.s.: Something I am hunger for. I dunno what.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Lost in holidays!!!
Next week is holiday. I really really need a break. Saturday morning, my bus baby!!! But then, deep inside there is some worries, I am scared. I wanna go back to my house, but I don't want that house, I don't want that room, I don't want that mattress. Seriously, it's gonna make things worst. I dunno. This time my holidays gonna be a bit weird and uncomfortable. I am gonna do an act that everything was fine and is fine. I should learn to do the fake smiles. Where should I go?? Where should I begin?? I started to learn to live in this darkness.
p.s.: What left to a person who lost everything?? I hated everything and loved only her. Now guess yall know what remains.
p.s.: What left to a person who lost everything?? I hated everything and loved only her. Now guess yall know what remains.
MCR.
Can you hear me?
Are you near me?
Can we pretend?
To leave and then,
We'll meet again,
When both our cars collide.
Are you near me?
Can we pretend?
To leave and then,
We'll meet again,
When both our cars collide.
p.s.: I love the video clip for Helena. Seriously, it's nice.
Good bye my lover.
Guess time to drop everything that I am hanging on. I don't care how far I am gonna fall. I just wanna get the hell out of the topic. I am back to my old concept. Karma. Whatever you do, you will get back. That's all. There is no such thing hell and heaven. Everything is in this life. I did something wrong. Yea, I admit. So I don't know what is waiting. But then, I deserved it. What else more painful than what I have been through this year. My life ruined. She messed up everything. Everything that I believed. Everything!!! And well, my ex, you did something too, all this time I really really wanted to be there when what you did comes back to you. But then, after this, I don't know how to face you. I really wanted to protect you. I didn't meant anything to be in this way. Coz you know you are the only thing that was everything for me. I don't know why you left, but I know I was me when you was around me.
I am not gonna do anything, tell anything or cross your life anymore. If you want me to be in your life, like you said in your blog, the decision is yours.
p.s.: Bai.
I am not gonna do anything, tell anything or cross your life anymore. If you want me to be in your life, like you said in your blog, the decision is yours.
p.s.: Bai.
Realized.
I deleted some part of my previously post. It just I realized that it wasn't from me, I don't think that way. I had another talk with my friends, I realized I was confused. I am not telling reason to cover my mistake. It just it's not me. That is not the way I think. All I have I have. I am not the person that pull everything into God. It just God is God and me is me. Nothing changed. Back to what I am. It's not that I changed coz something good happen in my life or what. I am more comfortable in the way I think last time. This is me.
p.s.: Sorry for the mistake I had done, everyone.
p.s.: Sorry for the mistake I had done, everyone.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Drugs.
This post would be drugs.
I just came across an article.
http://addiction.narcononrehab.com
http://addiction.narcononrehab.com/drug-addiction-stories/rise-fall-drug-addict-part-4/
http://www.nj.com/hudson/index.ssf/2009/02/drug_addict_goes_clean_marries.html
p.s.: Nothing doing with me.
I just came across an article.
http://addiction.narcononrehab.com
http://addiction.narcononrehab.com/drug-addiction-stories/rise-fall-drug-addict-part-4/
http://www.nj.com/hudson/index.ssf/2009/02/drug_addict_goes_clean_marries.html
p.s.: Nothing doing with me.
End of the good part inside me.
This will be something that I really really wanna say. Just bear with this people. It's about God.
Well I trusted you, I loved you, I even thought you will make my life better one day, I even thanked you to put her in my life, you know that right. I said I had nothing to ask since I have her in my life. But now, where is everything?? It's like my ex lost the love towards me, I lost the love towards you. I wouldn't thank you for the one year memories coz it's the killer of my whole life. Everything died. May be what I am doing now is just living for the sake of I still have time to enjoy my life before I am dead. I just wanna do everything that I decided to do. Some lost dreams. Everything. Coz I can't find anything that I can trust anymore. Everything I see, I see betrayal, I see pain, I see people faking smiles. Is this what the God have for me?? I didn't asked for money, I didn't ask for luxury life. I just asked you to put her in my life forever. That's all. Is that a lot for you??
Now, I dunno. I went too far to come back. I ran, ran away of the love that I had towards her. I ran, I dunno where I ended up. And now I really don't care. Seriously, nothing matters to me anymore. Even my academic adviser asked me what is matters to you and I answered nothing Miss. She was like well another crap is here. If you planned everything, of coz you know the consequences. When my ex died, I was how stupid a person can be. But when I had the pain in myself, well to tell the truth, she did the right thing.
I dunno. May some people calling me he lost in his world. He is crazy. He is stupid. But when you go through the pain and the betrayal, may be you will know. It's not only ma ex betrayed me, you God, you did it too. I am not the type that fuck the God up, when I had bad time. I didn't do that in my life at all. Only after this break up, seriously, you know how much was that, you know everything coz I always tell you how much she loves me, you took it away. You took something that I kept inside so carefully, that I build with everything I had, that I dreamed every single day. You just took it away. And now, I left with nothing.
May be satan inside me. May be he is showing me the way to hell. Well, if that is the cure, let it be, coz I dunno if I love a girl again, will you keep her in my life forever?? Will you?? Plus, I am not dare enough to fall in love again. When you pour more water inside a filled glass, what will happen?? It will spilled.
p.s: I am equal to a dead body. Well, I am happy coz everything I see, I see money, I see girls, I see drugs.
Well I trusted you, I loved you, I even thought you will make my life better one day, I even thanked you to put her in my life, you know that right. I said I had nothing to ask since I have her in my life. But now, where is everything?? It's like my ex lost the love towards me, I lost the love towards you. I wouldn't thank you for the one year memories coz it's the killer of my whole life. Everything died. May be what I am doing now is just living for the sake of I still have time to enjoy my life before I am dead. I just wanna do everything that I decided to do. Some lost dreams. Everything. Coz I can't find anything that I can trust anymore. Everything I see, I see betrayal, I see pain, I see people faking smiles. Is this what the God have for me?? I didn't asked for money, I didn't ask for luxury life. I just asked you to put her in my life forever. That's all. Is that a lot for you??
Now, I dunno. I went too far to come back. I ran, ran away of the love that I had towards her. I ran, I dunno where I ended up. And now I really don't care. Seriously, nothing matters to me anymore. Even my academic adviser asked me what is matters to you and I answered nothing Miss. She was like well another crap is here. If you planned everything, of coz you know the consequences. When my ex died, I was how stupid a person can be. But when I had the pain in myself, well to tell the truth, she did the right thing.
I dunno. May some people calling me he lost in his world. He is crazy. He is stupid. But when you go through the pain and the betrayal, may be you will know. It's not only ma ex betrayed me, you God, you did it too. I am not the type that fuck the God up, when I had bad time. I didn't do that in my life at all. Only after this break up, seriously, you know how much was that, you know everything coz I always tell you how much she loves me, you took it away. You took something that I kept inside so carefully, that I build with everything I had, that I dreamed every single day. You just took it away. And now, I left with nothing.
May be satan inside me. May be he is showing me the way to hell. Well, if that is the cure, let it be, coz I dunno if I love a girl again, will you keep her in my life forever?? Will you?? Plus, I am not dare enough to fall in love again. When you pour more water inside a filled glass, what will happen?? It will spilled.
p.s: I am equal to a dead body. Well, I am happy coz everything I see, I see money, I see girls, I see drugs.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Weed!!!
No energy to go class. Urgh!! Severe laziness. Now, supposedly I should attend the class, but here I am blogging. Lol!!
Look damn nice eh??
p.s.: I am happy I didn't do anything stupid, coz who wanna see you suffering. It's worth it!!!
Look damn nice eh??
p.s.: I am happy I didn't do anything stupid, coz who wanna see you suffering. It's worth it!!!
Never know there is such bullshit..
*The Secret behind the number 11*
Pretty Chilling - read to the bottom. Try it out.
If you are a skeptical person - still read on as it's actually very
interesting!!
This is actually really freaky!! (Mainly the end part, but read it all
first)
1) New York City has 11 letters
2) Afghanistan has 11 letters.
3) Ramsin Yuseb has 11 letters . (The terrorist who threatened to destroy
the Twin Towers in 1993)
4) George W Bush has 11 letters.
This could be a mere coincidence, but this gets interesting:
1) New York is the 11th state.
2) The first plane crashing against the Twin Towers was flight number 11.
3) Flight 11 was carrying 92 passengers. 9 + 2 = 11
4) Flight 77 which also hit Twin Towers , was carrying 65 passengers. 6 + 5
= 11
5) The tragedy was on September 11, or 9/11 as it is now known. 9 + 1+ 1
=11
6) The date is equal to the US emergency services telephone number 911.
Sheer coincidence..?
Read on and make up your own mind:
1) The total number of victims inside all the hi-jacked planes was 254.
2 + 5 + 4 = 11
2) September 11 is day number 254 of the calendar year.
3) The Madrid bombing took place on 3/11/2004. 3 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 4 = 11.
4) The tragedy of Madrid happened 911 days after the Twin Towers incident.
Now this is where things get totally eerie:
The most recognized symbol for the US , after the Stars & Stripes, is the
Eagle. The following verse is taken from the Koran, the Islamic holy book:
"For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The
wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah while some of
the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced: for the wrath of the
Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah and there was peace."
That verse is number 9.11 of the Koran.
Unconvinced about all of this still ..?
Try this and see how you feel afterwards, it made my hair stand on end:
Open Microsoft Word and do the following:
1. Type in upper case Q33 NY. This is the flight number of the first plane
to hit one of the Twin Towers .
2. Highlight the Q33 NY.
3. Change the font size to 48.
4. Change the actual font to the WINGDINGS........................
What do you think now????
p.s.: Freak out when saw the letters. Stupid friend with his e-mail!!!
Pretty Chilling - read to the bottom. Try it out.
If you are a skeptical person - still read on as it's actually very
interesting!!
This is actually really freaky!! (Mainly the end part, but read it all
first)
1) New York City has 11 letters
2) Afghanistan has 11 letters.
3) Ramsin Yuseb has 11 letters . (The terrorist who threatened to destroy
the Twin Towers in 1993)
4) George W Bush has 11 letters.
This could be a mere coincidence, but this gets interesting:
1) New York is the 11th state.
2) The first plane crashing against the Twin Towers was flight number 11.
3) Flight 11 was carrying 92 passengers. 9 + 2 = 11
4) Flight 77 which also hit Twin Towers , was carrying 65 passengers. 6 + 5
= 11
5) The tragedy was on September 11, or 9/11 as it is now known. 9 + 1+ 1
=11
6) The date is equal to the US emergency services telephone number 911.
Sheer coincidence..?
Read on and make up your own mind:
1) The total number of victims inside all the hi-jacked planes was 254.
2 + 5 + 4 = 11
2) September 11 is day number 254 of the calendar year.
3) The Madrid bombing took place on 3/11/2004. 3 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 4 = 11.
4) The tragedy of Madrid happened 911 days after the Twin Towers incident.
Now this is where things get totally eerie:
The most recognized symbol for the US , after the Stars & Stripes, is the
Eagle. The following verse is taken from the Koran, the Islamic holy book:
"For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The
wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah while some of
the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced: for the wrath of the
Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah and there was peace."
That verse is number 9.11 of the Koran.
Unconvinced about all of this still ..?
Try this and see how you feel afterwards, it made my hair stand on end:
Open Microsoft Word and do the following:
1. Type in upper case Q33 NY. This is the flight number of the first plane
to hit one of the Twin Towers .
2. Highlight the Q33 NY.
3. Change the font size to 48.
4. Change the actual font to the WINGDINGS........................
What do you think now????
p.s.: Freak out when saw the letters. Stupid friend with his e-mail!!!
Karma.
p.s.: I really don't believe in karma, but now I saw it with my own eyes. I dunno!!! This goes to all the life-sucking bitches of our life.
Fuck those fake words!!!
Today, it was so nice. Sleep all the day. Eat and lazy-ing in front of laptop. Skipped all the classes. Only one of it I went.
Few days before, I and two of my friends had a talk. We went out at 12.30 at night. So, the normal thing, we was smoking. Then, my friend said, yesterday I smoked a lot. Some emotional thing it seems. Then both of them know what is that about. And I don't have any idea. But, they all know how the broke up effected me. So the talk continue. Then, one of us have girlfriend. So, he was quiet and just go with the flow. Then one of them said, she was so perfect. I was thinking inside my heart, why girls always be perfect to guys?? They fake everything. Their words, their attitude. After break up, the true colors revealed. I am not referring all the girls. Well, everybody say something in the joyousness of the stupid love, but why it's hard to forget it?? Even just now, I was just thinking about my ex, everything my ex said is totally opposite of what she is doing now. She said she wouldn't leave me, she left. She said she will never ever hate me, now she hate me. She said there is no hate word exists between us, now she created it. She said she will always love me, GOD, I dunno she still loves me or not. Why those fake words gives us so much of hopes and then took everything what we have??
Then comes the shisha!!! Wohoo!!! So, this means it's gonna be a long talk. Then, they all asked me why I broke up. What should I say?? I wanna forget it. So just a brief explanation. Some of my friends already know that I went to the edge of death. I really did. There is some reasons. Some of my friends know about this. Some make fun of it, some know the pain I was suffering. Well, we talked a lot that day. It was a good experience for me. Lesson I learned, don't give everything to someone, coz if they go, they bring everything. Everything. And you left alone with nothing. The best part which you feel stupid is you still trust them but they don't give a damn about you. Everybody will be selfish no matter what they told or promised to you, when they didn't get what they want.
p.s.: Fuck those words. I am happy with what karma doing now. Time to stop and stare.
Few days before, I and two of my friends had a talk. We went out at 12.30 at night. So, the normal thing, we was smoking. Then, my friend said, yesterday I smoked a lot. Some emotional thing it seems. Then both of them know what is that about. And I don't have any idea. But, they all know how the broke up effected me. So the talk continue. Then, one of us have girlfriend. So, he was quiet and just go with the flow. Then one of them said, she was so perfect. I was thinking inside my heart, why girls always be perfect to guys?? They fake everything. Their words, their attitude. After break up, the true colors revealed. I am not referring all the girls. Well, everybody say something in the joyousness of the stupid love, but why it's hard to forget it?? Even just now, I was just thinking about my ex, everything my ex said is totally opposite of what she is doing now. She said she wouldn't leave me, she left. She said she will never ever hate me, now she hate me. She said there is no hate word exists between us, now she created it. She said she will always love me, GOD, I dunno she still loves me or not. Why those fake words gives us so much of hopes and then took everything what we have??
Then comes the shisha!!! Wohoo!!! So, this means it's gonna be a long talk. Then, they all asked me why I broke up. What should I say?? I wanna forget it. So just a brief explanation. Some of my friends already know that I went to the edge of death. I really did. There is some reasons. Some of my friends know about this. Some make fun of it, some know the pain I was suffering. Well, we talked a lot that day. It was a good experience for me. Lesson I learned, don't give everything to someone, coz if they go, they bring everything. Everything. And you left alone with nothing. The best part which you feel stupid is you still trust them but they don't give a damn about you. Everybody will be selfish no matter what they told or promised to you, when they didn't get what they want.
p.s.: Fuck those words. I am happy with what karma doing now. Time to stop and stare.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Cursed life!!!
Sleeping late is becoming habit now. God!!! I don't want to sleep late all. I try to sleep early, but can't sleep. I dunno what to do. Argh!!! May be I will repair that habit at Penang. Penang, I coming baby!!! So long I didn't smell the seaside. Bloody KL, no seaside, nothing. All they have is tall tall building. Sigh!!! Missed today morning class. Haiz!!! Anyway, guess what?? Karma working well it seems. In my life, I come across many people who suffered coz karma, including me. Mine already over, think so. LOL!!!
May be they should thinking before do something. I dunno, just an opinion. Well, I did mistakes also, nothing is perfect right?? It's how you fix it. Don't just throw words and blame people and claim that you are defending yourself. There is no hell nor heaven, it's just the karma. Nothing you do could change what you did.
p.s.: Some people never learn. Guess karma is the way.
May be they should thinking before do something. I dunno, just an opinion. Well, I did mistakes also, nothing is perfect right?? It's how you fix it. Don't just throw words and blame people and claim that you are defending yourself. There is no hell nor heaven, it's just the karma. Nothing you do could change what you did.
p.s.: Some people never learn. Guess karma is the way.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Lost and found!!!
After the brake up, I was like abandon Linkin Park. I dunno why, all the songs reminds me of her. So, every time Linkin Park song played in Windows Media Player, I will skip the song. Now, I miss those songs!!!
So, now something to start back those addiction.
p.s.: You never know what you have till you missed it.
So, now something to start back those addiction.
p.s.: You never know what you have till you missed it.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Ta-da!!!
Wohoo!! Just finished repairing my blog. It's 6.34 in morning. WTF!!! Seriously, can get addicted. Seriously!!! I did this stuffs, like editing, colors, background and etc. like two days ago and just finished. The worst was the background. I edit a picture but then I can't get the URL. For that, I need to open a account in photobucket, imageshack, or flickr. Then, upload the photo all. So the easy way is to use the pictures inside the net. So, the search started. It was a long way!!! I almost see every pictures in photobucket. Haha!!!
So, this is it. Finished. May be I will change the background. Kinda not satisfied.
p.s.: I came across something when I was searching for the background.
Believe nothing,
No matter where you read it,
Or who has said it,
Not even if I have said it,
Unless it agrees with your own reason,
And your common sense.
-Buddha-
So, this is it. Finished. May be I will change the background. Kinda not satisfied.
p.s.: I came across something when I was searching for the background.
Believe nothing,
No matter where you read it,
Or who has said it,
Not even if I have said it,
Unless it agrees with your own reason,
And your common sense.
-Buddha-
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Bald!!!
It was me last semester. Wanna cut my hair like that again. Wohoo!!!
p.s.: Guess I will wait forever for my lost love.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Creating happiness!!! :D
Last week was fun. Patrick came to meet Laura and at the same time I went to meet Laura. What a coincidence. Then, skipped my class, went Alamanda, watched Obsessed. Actually I watched the movie already. Coz there is no other option, so I wacthed it again. I still enjoyed it even I know the story line. A lot of things happen that day. We was laughing all the way. The first thing is Laura left the key inside her house. It sounds weird, but its Laura, so its possible. LOL!!! Then, on the way to Alamanda, Laura show us the direction to a place which look like (you know those zombie movies) deserted place. Somehow we manage to reach Alamanda. Then another funny thing happen, we all enter the lift at the car park and we was talking normally. But no one pressed the floor button. So, the lift was there for few seconds and we was enjoying talking. Damn ler.
Then watched movie. On the way back, Patrick's friend's car brake down. Run out of fuel. And the best part was he panicked and said " sorry, my car got mat-salleh" to the guard fellow. And the car was moving slowly and three of us inside the car laughing our ass off!!! Then Patrick went with the guard and bought petrol. And that was the first time Laura see how petrol look like. No comments. Then, we went to petrol station and pump. Patrick went to toilet, so thought wanna prank him, so Patrick's friend drove slowly to the car park at the petrol station. But the worst was Patrick somehow came out near the car park there. Haha!!! Then, they left us and went back. Me went back to to hostel room. Then Andrew msn me to go dinner with him. Went out again.
Wow. I am enjoying my life it seems. This Thursday, 23rd of July, I have mid-term exam. So, now started to studying already. Actually I started to study since last week. We go step by step. I am good in doing baby steps. People used to call me slow to catch up something. But that is the way I am. And Laura invite me to go clubbing with her on Thursday. And I don't have anything. So hope I can make it. It's been a while.
I am happy with my current life. I am not expecting anything big. Just a better result. I am planning to do some sacrifices for that. I have to, no other choice.
p.s.: Happiness is something that we should create, not find.
Then watched movie. On the way back, Patrick's friend's car brake down. Run out of fuel. And the best part was he panicked and said " sorry, my car got mat-salleh" to the guard fellow. And the car was moving slowly and three of us inside the car laughing our ass off!!! Then Patrick went with the guard and bought petrol. And that was the first time Laura see how petrol look like. No comments. Then, we went to petrol station and pump. Patrick went to toilet, so thought wanna prank him, so Patrick's friend drove slowly to the car park at the petrol station. But the worst was Patrick somehow came out near the car park there. Haha!!! Then, they left us and went back. Me went back to to hostel room. Then Andrew msn me to go dinner with him. Went out again.
Wow. I am enjoying my life it seems. This Thursday, 23rd of July, I have mid-term exam. So, now started to studying already. Actually I started to study since last week. We go step by step. I am good in doing baby steps. People used to call me slow to catch up something. But that is the way I am. And Laura invite me to go clubbing with her on Thursday. And I don't have anything. So hope I can make it. It's been a while.
I am happy with my current life. I am not expecting anything big. Just a better result. I am planning to do some sacrifices for that. I have to, no other choice.
p.s.: Happiness is something that we should create, not find.
Friday, July 17, 2009
I need help. Anyone, plz!!!
Things that I should not say. There are many. I am just pressing it in my heart. Burying it. Whenever I saw people happy, coupled people happy, I feel like why I didn't have a chance.
Oh God, this is crazy. Totally crazy!!! I mean it's been what, around more than 6 months I broke up. But the love, still smells good. It never died. God damn it!!! I dunno why. I am sick of it. Sometimes anger, sometimes smiles. I felt regret to love her. I really felt it, but then no, it was not regret. It was anger. God!!!
I thought I moved on. But, no, now I realized, I am still there. Like Bri said, I am just hiding it. Deep inside I am not ok. You are right, Bri.
I love her so much. It's like, God, I dunno how to say it. No matter what I did, I still remember her. God, I dunno why you put her in my life. I mean what is the reason?? To gimme a chance to feel the pure love?? No, pure love will never ever end like this. Why I am living in such a mess?? Don't tell me that I made the mess!!!
Is it wrong to love her so much?? Yea, may be you are angry coz I put her before you. Is it coz I love her more than I love you, God?? You know I can't live with or without her. So what you waiting for?? I am praying, God!!! I am praying!!! Please take my life. Coz it's obvious right?? It's a goddamn dead end. Nowhere to go now. Do you want me to wait for my last day?? Coz I am waiting!!!
I realized dying is easier than living. God, why you are taking innocent's life away and don't want to talk my life?? I am tired of this live. May be all this things are just temporary. But it will effect my future. Can't you see??
She spitting on me. She even bring her friend together. On the other hand, it's just ME!!! Hey God, you know it. I am ALL ALONE!!! I need you, seriously, I need you now. Don't turn your back now. Guide me. Hold my hand and drag me to the brighter side. I have the courage to make my life better. I want it too.
p.s.: You are the only, only thing in this world that matters to me. I am sorry to make you clean all the mess that I have done in your life, honey.
Oh God, this is crazy. Totally crazy!!! I mean it's been what, around more than 6 months I broke up. But the love, still smells good. It never died. God damn it!!! I dunno why. I am sick of it. Sometimes anger, sometimes smiles. I felt regret to love her. I really felt it, but then no, it was not regret. It was anger. God!!!
I thought I moved on. But, no, now I realized, I am still there. Like Bri said, I am just hiding it. Deep inside I am not ok. You are right, Bri.
I love her so much. It's like, God, I dunno how to say it. No matter what I did, I still remember her. God, I dunno why you put her in my life. I mean what is the reason?? To gimme a chance to feel the pure love?? No, pure love will never ever end like this. Why I am living in such a mess?? Don't tell me that I made the mess!!!
Is it wrong to love her so much?? Yea, may be you are angry coz I put her before you. Is it coz I love her more than I love you, God?? You know I can't live with or without her. So what you waiting for?? I am praying, God!!! I am praying!!! Please take my life. Coz it's obvious right?? It's a goddamn dead end. Nowhere to go now. Do you want me to wait for my last day?? Coz I am waiting!!!
I realized dying is easier than living. God, why you are taking innocent's life away and don't want to talk my life?? I am tired of this live. May be all this things are just temporary. But it will effect my future. Can't you see??
She spitting on me. She even bring her friend together. On the other hand, it's just ME!!! Hey God, you know it. I am ALL ALONE!!! I need you, seriously, I need you now. Don't turn your back now. Guide me. Hold my hand and drag me to the brighter side. I have the courage to make my life better. I want it too.
p.s.: You are the only, only thing in this world that matters to me. I am sorry to make you clean all the mess that I have done in your life, honey.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Secret Valentine - We The Kings
Can't believe that my ex-girlfriend is still reading my blog. I am happy and the same time I am not feeling happy. Well, I am used to this kind of feelings, so I can handle this with no worries. Something that everyone should know, no matter what kind of words or how yall treating me, it's not gonna hurt me, coz nothing is left to be hurt. I manage to erase the love in my life. May be not all, but most of it.
p.s.: There is a phrase which I really like to say. "If your friend ask you to eat shit, will you??" Well, there are some people like that. Trust me people, I knew some.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
If only words can express..
Something I should remember my whole life.=D
The day that never comes.Pictures express what words can't.
p.s.: Miss you, angel.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
My obsession with hair!!!
So in love with her hair!!!
My heart skip a beat every time I meet a girl like this..
Wohooooooooooo!!!!!
p.s.: Sorry wei, no one else hair like this, I can only think about your photo. So, I am sorry!!!
:p
Erase the love.
If you compare my life with yours, sure you will say yours worst than mine. But, it's not. You lived every moment in your life, even it makes your condition worst, you had it all. Me, I missed everything, the moment I should have in particular age, I missed it. You live in a world where you do anything without thinking about it's consequences. In my world, everything matter, no matter how small it is.
Every time I wanna move on, it reminds me how bad I treated the girl who loved me so much. I totally sucks in relationship. A lot of love is not enough to make a girl happy. I don't want to put you in this situation and erase those love that you store for me. Recent broke-up left a lot of lessons and scars and it keep reminding me how bad I am. I am the one did those things to her, I made her cry, I tortured her, called her with inappropriate names, I brought all those pain in her life.
No matter what, your world is different, mine is different. Even though we have many in common, it varies in many ways. I live in a world where I have to fake everything and I don't want to pull you in. You might fall in love with me or already fell, but I don't have anything anymore to make you happy. I am damaged. Don't get me wrong if I did something sweet or helped you. Please I want you in my life, as a friend is enough. Because if we get into a relationship, eventually my past will repeat again and you will go far far away from me. I wanna see your face with those smile. I don't wanna destroy what you have now. Just let it be like this.
I wanna love you. As much as I can. But, when I think about all those pain, I can't. I just don't wanna hurt myself again. I am done with love and relationships. It's time for me to bury my feelings deep down inside me. I am in a world where I hate everything and erasing all the love in my life. But, you in a world where you want to create love. You deserve a better guy.
I am sorry. Sometimes, I feel like I don't want to replace my ex,she is the most beautiful thing that happen to be in my life, sometimes, I am scared that I will hurt you like I did to her. Do you want me to feel scared every time I say I love you?? I am sorry.
p.s.: Sorry to love you, honey.
Every time I wanna move on, it reminds me how bad I treated the girl who loved me so much. I totally sucks in relationship. A lot of love is not enough to make a girl happy. I don't want to put you in this situation and erase those love that you store for me. Recent broke-up left a lot of lessons and scars and it keep reminding me how bad I am. I am the one did those things to her, I made her cry, I tortured her, called her with inappropriate names, I brought all those pain in her life.
No matter what, your world is different, mine is different. Even though we have many in common, it varies in many ways. I live in a world where I have to fake everything and I don't want to pull you in. You might fall in love with me or already fell, but I don't have anything anymore to make you happy. I am damaged. Don't get me wrong if I did something sweet or helped you. Please I want you in my life, as a friend is enough. Because if we get into a relationship, eventually my past will repeat again and you will go far far away from me. I wanna see your face with those smile. I don't wanna destroy what you have now. Just let it be like this.
I wanna love you. As much as I can. But, when I think about all those pain, I can't. I just don't wanna hurt myself again. I am done with love and relationships. It's time for me to bury my feelings deep down inside me. I am in a world where I hate everything and erasing all the love in my life. But, you in a world where you want to create love. You deserve a better guy.
I am sorry. Sometimes, I feel like I don't want to replace my ex,she is the most beautiful thing that happen to be in my life, sometimes, I am scared that I will hurt you like I did to her. Do you want me to feel scared every time I say I love you?? I am sorry.
p.s.: Sorry to love you, honey.
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