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Empty inside or empty me??

Again, I'm gonna sleep with my head empty. I don't know why, I been like this for past few days. All I can think of is my ex. Even though she brought so much pain inside me, she is still my safest place I ever hide before. I feel like, "What's next?? What gonna happen?? Nothing that can be worst, coz I'm giving up. I'm giving up everything. I'm not gonna go against the flow anymore. I'm tired.". Everything that was so close with me past few months, now seems so far away. The wall I built around me, seems like invisible now. The people I trusted so much and shared everything, now seems like a stranger, like a normal friend to me. I don't know what's wrong with me. It's not something that they did, it's just something wrong with me. I feel like wanna get all the tattoos that I want on my body and die smoking a cigarette. What a perfect death??

p.s.: After all it's a fucking life. =)

It repeats again.

The end of the fairy tale. Again!!! I broke another girl's heart coz of choosing her. And I think that's the reason. May be love can't be start from braking hearts. I don't know. It's just I don't know. It's so painful to wait for a text reply. She told she was so busy till can't even text me once. I can tell yall, a "Good Morning" is enough to make me smile. She was that much for me. I went for the one I love and ignored the one loved me and now both is gone. Gone!!!

I'm sorry. Both of you, I'm sorry. I'm full of shit.

Next semester gonna start soon. Went back hometown like for a week. I hate to be in Penang. Full of memories. Can say full of shits. My semester break was kinda 1 month and I prefer to be here away from the people I love, from the place where I grew up. I'm already so far away from my family. It's kinda dissapointing when my friend from Aussie came back home for holidays and don't even try to contact me. Saw his pictures, went to Langkawi with the people we used to hang out last time. I was like what the fuck?? What did I do?? Am I invisible??

Everything is breaking into pieces again. I need to fix this shit. It's just why I wanna fix it, when it's gonna break again. Lack of motivation, lack of courage, lack of hope, coz I'm sick of this life.

p.s.: I'm sick of myself.

Wait, rewind, forward!!!

Well, this time, there is kinda happy news!! I got myself an angel. It was like not expected at all. She said she wanna concentrate on SPM first. So, I wanted to wait. All of sudden, she canceled it. Then, here we go. =)

Second, I just checked my exam slip and I'm not barred!!! Hell yea!!! Thanks thanks!!

Damn, now everything is on the right track. All I need to do now is just go with the flow. I don't have expectations all. Just three words baby, I love you.

p.s.: Good things happen to people who wait!!!

Dilema Cinta - Ungu

p.s.: Namun ku terlanjur mencintai dirimu. =)

It's December baby!!!

Well, where should I being with. Mid-terms just finished and assignment done and already submitted to the person that I should submit. Kinda two weeks for finals. Attendance for my Engineering Maths 2 is really low and I'm not in the barlist. I already email-ed the lecturer to know that is that final barlist or what. Hope it's a final barlist. I don't want to be barred from exam. My mid-term marks kinda high, 18/20 for the first exam and I know the second exam is kinda easy and can score kinda high too. Please don't bar me!!! =(

Today I broke a girl's heart. I didn't mean to hurt her. It's just she made all the assumption and fell in love. I'm sorry. I already set my mind to some else. And I already made the move. It's not nice to back off now. I should tell you earlier but then it's just I don't want to miss the things coming to me, I wanted to appreciate your feelings, but then in the end, it's happen to be in this way. I know it's gonna hurt you. But I have no other choice. I don't want to be a bastard dating two girls at once.

Hope what I decided today is worth it. I know I will be happy with you, lady. Its just people will change with respect to time. I don't know how we gonna change. When a guy and a girl falls in love, they will do so many sweet things, so many sweet words. But then, after few months, the feelings fade. They started to feel irritated and annoyed by the person they loved so much few months ago, the person they decided to hold hands and walk to the end of their life. I know I not the type of guy that get bored of your attitude. Its like I am asking you : Will you walk with me till the end of me?? I know it's too early to say I love you, but then I already started to adore you, to miss you, to technically and literally love you. =)

p.s.: I'm looking forward for next year. =)

Can men cry??

I still remember my ex asked me a question. Can men cry?? Well, guess, now she know the answer.

http://corvedacosta.wordpress.com/2009/07/18/can-men-cry

p.s.: They are soft, insecure, wimps, cry babies, sissies, bitches, other degrading words are used, and the list goes on.

16th Nov.

-16th November-

Yea, it's my very own,one and the only birthday. Well, last year birthday was so nice. This year birthday, spent most of the night with my friend. To tell the truth, they are the cure for the pain inside me. But then, I can't expect them to be there all the time right. Everybody have their own life to live. Their own problem to handle with. Well, the pain is back again. Alone, in the dark, I lost myself again. What I did till she can't even wish me Happy Birthday?? Now, it's clear that I am a stranger to her.

I miss the way she touch me, the way she squeeze my hand.
I miss the way she hug my arm.
I miss the way she stand beside me.
I miss the way she hug me.
I miss the way she kiss my cheek.
I miss the way she lean on me.
I miss her.

What's the use to love her anymore?? If I know the way to kill this love inside my heart, I will do it. I don't care what else I'm gonna loss, I will just do it.

p.s.: I need to carry this my whole life.

Halloween Special.

So far away - Staind

I'm suffocating!!!

It's been a painful day. This never happen when I'm at Cyber. Don't know how come, it's back. Well, when I'm at home, Penang, I used to sneeze a lot, I mean, really a lot. From early age itself, I got sinus. I used to sneezed like almost 50 times, even more than that within 1 hour. Just imagine how you feel if you sneeze non-stop. Well, I don't know how y'all will feel, but I feel pain in my chest plus with suffocating. When for check-ups, the doctor keep on recommending more powerful drug, just because I'm too young for the operation. So, my parents stopped me from the medication. Then, they forced me to try Chinese traditional treatment, it worked during the treatment, after the treatment, the sneezing thing came back.

So, after high school, I went college. Well, it becomes better. No more flu in the morning, no more sneezing problem. But then, I started to smoke. Till now, I don't know, smoking making it worst or not. Definitely smoking not gonna make it better. It just now I feel like people like me shouldn't smoke at all. Now, I can't sleep. I'm suffocating. I can feel that I can't breathe normally. It's not that I'm scared that I will die. It just I can't express what I'm feeling now. Those chest pain, stomach feels like numb, itchy throat, itchy nose, and at the same time, the nose hurts so much.

Can say most of my night something like this. I have to change my position just to make sure I can breath properly. Sometimes I wake up with a nose blocked, I mean totally blocked. Whatever stuck there, it would not go in neither come out. Have to breath using my mouth. Sometimes I woke up with a dry throat, just because I sleep with open mouth for a long time.

Well, that's all. Need to try to sleep. I hope I have something to make me sleep.

p.s.: Sinus are a common disease, but the pain, you can only feel it, when you have it. Never try, never know.

What the fuck??!!!

Yea, I pierced my ear. Well, most of people said it's damn painful. So, I tried. Nah, not that painful. But, it was worth, till yesterday. I dunno how can the stud come out, one of the screw-able end came out and fell don't know where. Then, another part definitely will come out. So, I took it out. I came back to my hostel room. I spent almost 1 hour to put it back, still cannot, so asked my friend to help me, still cannot. So, today, went back to the shop to ask her to put it back. She said your wound is still fresh, so even 1 day, it will close. I was like, 1 day you know, not 1 week. I didn't even have it for 1 week.

Now, I feel like something missing. I know it's pathetic. But, it's still the feeling, whenever I bath, after bath, on the bed, it's like reminding me this. Urgh!! But then, it's just the fucking stud right, can pierce again rite. So, fuck it!! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

I saw her under the rain, even I was so down, the smile pop out of nowhere. She is so cute till I'm going crazy to meet her everyday!! I wanna meet her tomorrow. Make it happen, make it happen, weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

-This is it-

Yea, watched the movie already. It was really really awesome!!! I can't imagine how the concert will be if it really happens.

p.s.: Don't miss it!!!

Guess who's back!!

I'm not dead, so do the blog!!! Just busy with life, went back home for semester break. Well, now life seems to be simple. Pick those things you like, throw others. Just fucking do whatever you wanna do. That's how my life is going on. Well, I dunno it's the correct way or not, but I'm sure I'm not gonna regret this.

Well, there is some good news. I get the thing that I wanted so long ago, MP4. Yea, it's like finally!!! Then, I didn't fail anything subject last semester. What a great new is that??!!! Then, I got pierced again. Wohoooo!!! Not as painful as ma friend said.

About love life, nothing much. Actually, it's better to stay like this. Coz I'm smoking, I'm not sure how healthy I am or I will be. I'm been eating mutton every single day past few months. So, it's just I am happy with those memories with her and everything I been through. It's not that only a girlfriend or wife can make me happy forever. There are many other things. I can't love a person like I love her. I dunno about future. Things change with respect to time right. So, I'm not promising anything here.

Well, now I'm around with so many friends. And I dunno all of them really care about me, but all I know is some of them really do. This reminds me of secondary school life, so many friends, cares about nothing, fuck everything that bothers me, screaming to elder people, damn that was a phase which never ever I will regret in my life.

And now I know nothing about ma ex. Zero. And I think it's better to be that way. Doesn't mean that I don't give a shit about her, it's just things are better in this way.

p.s.: Life is beautiful if we stop complaining.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

WALKMAN® MP3 - E Series

Great AR Rahman.

p.s: Holiday time!!!

Botak!!!

p.s.: I miss my long long hair!!! =(

It's done.

Finals are going on now. So, so many things run through my mind. No time to blog anything. In fact nothing is to blogged. This was the drawing I was doing since few weeks. Actually done, few weeks ago. Now only, I am satisfied to be display. So, this is it.

p.s.: It's done.

The Used

I'm Feeling You - Michelle Branch & Santana

I wanted to post this song since morning!!! Damn, I am getting lazy, real lazy nowadays. It's just week 12 and I stopped myself to go classes. I dunno why, but I feel my room is so so so comfy, even though I am sitting on the floor. (Prena way, grrrrrrrrrrrr!!!)

I started to draw already. Here comes the part where I love myself. The only thing is, it's 3.48 in freaking morning. Who the hell wanna go class my son?? Haiz!!!

p.s.: Phase 1 done.

[v i n e s h ]

p.s.: What a nice break!!!