NOT a EMO-ish post!!!

Well, first of all, not gonna be an emo-ish post. Just feels like wanna blog.

Let's see what's new. Done with mid-term, 4 assignments to be submit, due date kinda like 2-3 weeks from now, lab report, and then, have to prepare for finals. Assignments are really being the pain in my ass now. Plus doing lab report at the same time, sometimes I get confused what subject's assignment am I doing.

And one more thing. Weird thing actually, breads/buns make me so happy. I just don't know why, its just I feel so peaceful at the moment biting it. Gosh, I sounds so stupid now. It just the way I feel rite. LOL.

Well, I dont want to touch relationship issues. Coz its all like, I dont know there is another half of me out there or what, coz I'm lazy to find. I can't just be with a girl, act cool and don't give in too much all. I will just go deep into it and realize that she's not the one. Painful moment tho. So I wanna just shut up and life my life. Got alot to do actually. My next year suppose to be my final year, but this shit engineering course, I have to extend like one more sem. I really hope one sem. I can't wait to end it. Then, I have to do something about my dream. I don't want to plan now. Let's see what's waiting for me after this. Coz now I plan, then something else happen, then end up in disappointment. So, just do whatever I'm doing now first.

Next sem, moving out. Fucking bye to hostel. Now, I can smoke freely, no need to check on the corridor all. Thanks to my friend, I'm getting the rental as I wanted. I don't care about privacy. Coz it's not like I have a girlfriend, who wanna stay over my place or what. The people in that house were my housemate 1 year ago. I know them. Don't tell me they gonna steal things or what. So, I feel like the place is worth it for people like me.

p.s.: Funny thing in me is I will give up in the things that I should not give up and I will never give up in the things I should. Looks like I should put down a list. =)

It's happening again??

If sleeping makes me to think bout you, I'm never gonna sleep anymore.

p.s.: Time never gonna heal anything. It just hides everything.

It's me again??!!

Well, I should be sleeping right now. But, it just so many things in my mind. So, here I am vomiting everything.

This is what happened. I know I didn't get over my ex fully. Can say mostly. But, when I was in a relationship with this girl, it was kinda healing. I was kinda more to her than my ex. I text her, sometimes call her, just to get the memories outta my head. Coz I wanna be loyal, I wanna be honest. I don't wanna think about my ex when I'm in a relationship with other girl. But then, when I don't get back anything form this girl, my heart started to bring back my old memories. This is where my past suck me into the hole again.

And now, when she started to blame herself, I told her the truth. Which is I didn't get over my ex fully. And now, the blame is on me again. All I wanted was to make you feel better, and this is what I get. I still care for you. We started as friends, we cared for each other. This is what I'm doing now. And she said my promises is bullshit and she allergic to that. The worst part is my ex liked the FB status. She just poked me that the right place. She knew my ex is my weakness. And she did that. I never thought you will do that.

Why am I in pain when it was your fault?? I was there for you, I wanted your attention, I wanted you to show me love, but I was all alone, all the time. This is where my past suck me back to the hole again. Your "I love you" should put me into sleep but the memories did that, your fingers should wipe my tears, but the memories did that. Is this my fault?? Please tell me, some one, please!!

I wish I was born without a heart. Much easier to get over my past and move on. Why does every time I like a girl, it reminds me of you?? It's reminding me that it's was a part of me and I might be that person again. I tired to accept the fact that you never gonna come back, it's just I can't.

p.s.: Everybody fall in love without knowing it's consequences. And I think it's not the way.

Practical love??

Well, nothing much going on. Just finished mid-term break. Actually I wanted to stay at campus, just coz of some one's request, I went back. But, I get to know something. People don't actually change. They can say, they can act, wear a whole new mask in front of you, but as time passes by, everything will fade away.

I came across a blog, random girl (I'm not stalking). Well there was an old post which is kinda interesting:

"It’s Too Late"

Don't we all just fear hearing things like this?

It leaves you with room for nothing positive; all you have left is pain and sorrow. True, both can be overcome with time but when it also injects you with regret, you know you've hit a dead end.

No matter how long you wait, no matter how much you dream or wish you had done things differently, the fact remains that you simply cannot turn back the time. The damage is done and you are stuck with it for the rest of your life.

Because it is just too late.

And all you can do is to learn to accept it or suicide.

I dunno what's she going through, but this is so true. Sometimes you break some one's heart and it's too late to fix it. Well, since suicide can't be my option anymore, I'm learning to accept. Sometimes, I always say this, nothing you do now can't change what you did. Time to be strong and mature. True love is only once in lifetime and I already wasted the one and only chance. So, this is it. If you can't fix it, then fuck it.

p.s.: Practical love is much more better than unconditional love.