Ma 1st emo-ness post

I'm blogging back. I delete previous account coz of some tragedy.

Slept around nearly 4. I also dunno. Damn drunk. The only reason I drink was I wanna sleep. Sleep!!! Sleep!!! But, I'm now, awake at 7.30 in morning. Haiz!!! I dunno what is wrong. I'm drunk and I should sleep till at least 10 or 11. Now, I'm having trouble to breathe. How do I wanna continue sleep. I'm having sleeping problems lately.

Pain everywhere. I dunno it's my brain or it's really pain. I cant sleep properly, my backbone hurt till the pain make me sacrifice my sleep and stay awake and do something else. Do soft tissue torn hurt this much huh??

She keep on coming in my dreams. Dreams such as she giving me hope, apologizing, all the opposite things what she's doing now. Although been few months, the feelings is still strong holding a piece of my heart. I cant forget anything, anything that happen. Let's put it this way, how if I'm guilty?? I should never bring her to that floor. Every milliseconds of the mp4 is keep on playing in my head in high definition.

Guilty, hatred, and anger to myself is killing me now. Everywhere I look around my room, she is there. What I can do for that?? I dont want too. I dont want to have her back too. Coz all the things you said, it's tattooed in my heart. Nothing gonna erase that, even your tears.

Remember this girl, what you did in past gonna decide your future. If you ignore your past, you are ignoring your future too. You gonna live in the circle you create yourself. But, at that time, dont blame anyone, blame yourself. Yeah, now you will be thinking, who the fuck I am in your life to tell you this. I just want you to know. You can get a better guy than me, but remember he can get a much more better girl than you.

I'm not gonna get a life and move on. You moved on, doesnt mean that I should do that.

Thats all. I'm sorry in this issue. I'm not gonna listen to you like always I do.

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.
(But I dont love them. Sorry guys.)

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
(Yeah, beautiness will fade, big boobs gonna look disgusting when it's start sagging, but love not gonna fade or look disgusting.)

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.
(I guess both of us know very well each other, but what happen now?? Is this bullshit or that bullshit??)

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.
(I guess you are not in the people list, coz things worked totally oppose this fact.And I dont want plenty of dates.)

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.
(Yeah, but that was before, coz I really need money. But now, even though living on my own sound nice and tempting me to live my life, I still will stick with my suicidal plan.)

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
(Yeah, money will kill, but more money, can buy more ciggirates and that will be cool. By the way, thats why I mention kill just now.)

How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.
(But, the "someone" dont have space for me anymore. But, yes, I wish I could spend alot more time with you, seriously.)

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.
(This is where lies the huge mistake. I guess so. May be. Everytime I turn back and look at you, may be I'm afraid of this.)

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
(My head is way top of my heart, so let the boss do the job.)