My life is about to be messed up again.

p.s.: I just wanted to be happy. Is that too much??

Life, why did you choose me??

Funny isnt it?? Life changed, I somehow manage to accept it. But now, the changes is in my home and I cant feel my home is safe like I used to feel. Changes are really hard to accept. I never thought things in my home will change. This is not how my home used to smell, this is not how things were before. They changed everything here and they have rights to do so. Now, I try to accept how the furniture in my room are arranged, but I cant. I even don't like when my mom try to clean up my study table. Coz I'm not the type of person that could go on with changes easily. I love things to be at the place its used to be. Coz I'm used to adjust with it and lived. All I wanted is things to be like it was. But now, it's too late. Whats the point of being at the place I cant recognize anymore.

What should I do when home doesn't feel like home anymore?? There is no chance my family will understand this. My mom don't even thought about how I will feel when she ask something. I don't know why, the question never came across her mind. Every time I come back home for break, she will ask me when I'm going back on the same day I reached my home. Coz she never thought how I will feel. All she wants is answer. All everybody wants is answer, but never ever thought about how its gonna make one feels. She always asking me question. At first I yelled at her, now I gave up, I'm gonna ignore. No point telling to her don't do this and that when all my words to try make her understand how I feel is never gonna make her understand.

I'm typing this in Notepad, coz I cant online at home. No internet. And no one to talk about this. Look what is home means to me. Since I know, this four walls have been my home.

p.s.: Life, why did you choose me??

Home.

Home doesnt feel like home nowadays. Things change rite, but what if the changes is in your home, the place where you feel safe??

p.s.: Cant wait to get the hell out of here. =(

Fucking freaking boring holidays!!

It's semester break. Even tho, it's the 1st week, it's already fucking freaking boring!!! I dont feel like going back to Penang. But there is something I need to do over there. So I'm going back on weekends. And might be coming back around 27th.

Well, I manage to register subject according to the course structure. Something I wanted. So, kinda feeling happy. And last sem finals was like okay okay only. Hoping to pass all. I really wanna pass all!!

And there is something going on. Lil tiny happy stuffs. I dont want to write about it now. Coz I usually post something and being happy all. Then everything will fall apart right in front of me. So, this time, let it be slow and steady.

So, as conclusion, everything is great. Just I need something to fill up my time during sem break. And as everybody knows, my days starts around 5 pm everyday. So, I dunno whats there for me around that time.

p.s.: Its starts with a "A" and ends with a "A". =)

Alone.

Everytime I feel like it's over, actually it's not!! Fuck!! Why am I in this deep shit?? I really should stop reading her blog. Everytime there's a new pictures of her, it's just keep on reminding me how cute she is. Damn!! Am I gonna love her forever?? Am I gonna be like this forever?? Fuck this life.

p.s.: You born alone, you suffer alone, you die alone.

=)

There's a good news!! Recently, I don't feel anything at all. I mean before sleep. Every night is like a normal night. I don't day dreaming that much anymore. For the first time in this few months, I'm tasting the peaceful night.

p.s.: Funny thing about girls, yall will hate the guy that treat you right and yall will suffer and sacrifice for some guys that yall didn't even mean anything to them.

Start over??

Okay, let's start over. Everything. Just leave the education part alone. Don't think about that.

Girlfriend?? Yea, I need one. I need some one to love. Some one to care about. Something to hold me and gimme confidence. Some one to heal the scars. Some one to hold my hand and walk with me in this life. Something to believe in. Yea, I need one so badly. And I know, love is pain. The pain is so bad, so sharp, I been through it. I know I can't be trusting other girl anymore. But...... It's just, the pain of some girls did can only be cured by another girl. So, I need to try. I dunno how many shots I gonna give or I have. So, I just hoping, please, please, where the fucking hell are you baby??!! I'm gonna find another one. Fuck the pain, fuck all those fear in me, I'm gonna open my heart again. I'm gonna do with my old way. Choosy. That's the only way that satisfy me. FULLY!! =)

Friends?? Well, the most beautiful thing ever happened in my life. Nothing less. I have more and more from them. I just love every moment with them. It's like a tattoo in my life. Never gonna disappear. =)

p.s.: Fuck sadness, fuck emo-ness, there's only one life for me and I wanna live every moment of it. Hopefully, it's not too much to ask.